Be There!

July 14, 2009 at 1:57 am | Posted in Lowell, Muzak, New Orleans, Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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Lowell Folk Festival 2009: with Rosie Goodness

May 31, 2009 at 9:56 pm | Posted in Lowell, Muzak, New Orleans, Video | 2 Comments
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yes, please.

yes, please.

If you’re to believe the Bible of communist arugula-drinking Brooklyn hipsters, then Lowell, Massachusetts is the place to be on the weekend of July 25 and 26.  

But this time, dear reader, those queers at the Times got it right.  Suck it, Goldberg!

Yes, there are days when you may get shot in our fair city.

But I’m sure you’ll agree, a non-life-threatening injury is a small price to pay for a few moments dancing in the glory of Rosie Ledet’s pussiere.

So, please.  Let Dr. Michael White take you to school.

Let Glen David take you to church.

And then let him take you to the streets.

Alive.  Unique.  Inspiring.  Luscious, strong thighs that make your loins burn.

Yes indeed.  There’s a lot to like about Lowell.

RELATED: One Summer, 14 Weekends, New York Times
RELATED: Lowell Folk Festival Homepage

Flamboyant Rainbow Antagonizes Dan Phelps

April 28, 2009 at 10:08 pm | Posted in Lowell, New Orleans, Obama | Leave a comment
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This is a picture that I recently took of a rainbow in Lowell.  Because the photo is truncated on the ends, you can’t see the group of homeless vagrants living underneath the rainbow’s warm, luminescent shelter.  They were later removed by an anonymous city councilor.

I’m not sure I’d ever seen a full rainbow, end to end.  We were waiting at the light on Dutton Street and Broadway, just outside of Lowell Sun headquarters.  It was quite awesome.  Suck it, Phelps.

Lucy the Blog hopes to return later this afternoon with an overdue tribute to the late Bea Arthur.  Or, we’ll just post a portrait of her breasts and allow you to pay homage in your own way.  Whatever time allows. 

But until then, thanks for nothing so far, Barry!  Love, the City of New Orleans.

So Long, Snooks

February 19, 2009 at 5:53 am | Posted in Muzak, New Orleans, Video | 1 Comment

Today, I’m sad.

RELATED: A Snooks a-Looks at 72 (plus one day)

Everybody Get Low

November 24, 2008 at 12:53 am | Posted in Muzak, New Orleans, Video | 1 Comment
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If You Vote for John McCain, You Are Stupid*

September 3, 2008 at 11:12 pm | Posted in America, Bush, New Orleans | 4 Comments

The cognitive dissonance between reality and the Republican party’s talking points has been particularly dizzying as of late.

This past weekend, Newt Gingrich heralded Sarah Palin’s qualifications on ABC This Week, noting, among other things, her mad flute skillz.

Meanwhile, McCain’s other trophy wife, the Ferdinand Imelda Marcos of haute couteure soft casts (seriously, screw the houses, how many multi-colored soft casts does this lady have for that wrist), defended Palin’s international creds by noting that Palin comes from Alaska, which is really, really close to Russia.

But of all this bullshit, none is more mind-blowing than the glowing praise being heaped upon Old Man McCain every day for hosting a subdued convention in the wake of Hurricane Gustave.  Kerry Healey, the Imelda Marcos of battery-operated love toys (take my word for it), told Emily Rooney that McCain’s mature handling of the convention – putting the country first! – was in stark contrast to the substance-free glamour of the Democratic National Convention.

And last night, Joe Leiberman said:

“What you can expect from John McCain as President is precisely what he has done this week.” 

McCain himself told Chris Wallace on Fox News:

“It wouldn’t be appropriate to have a festive occasion while a near tragedy or a terrible challenge is presented in the form of a natural disaster.”

No, John?  Wouldn’t it be?  That’s odd because a few years ago, when a real tragedy – not a “near tragedy” – was unfolding, it seemed like a perfectly OK time to party. 

In fact, here’s a photo of the guy who conveniently couldn’t make it to the RNC – he’s very busy, suddenly – presenting you with a birthday cake on the very day that Hurricane Katrina was drowning New Orleans.

So here’s some straight talk express for the Republican ticket.  Go fuck yourself, John McCain.  And show your tits, Sarah Palin.  Seriously.  I totally want to see ’em.

*This should not be interpreted to mean that you are stupid if you don’t vote for Obama.  I can see why a one might not want to vote for Obama.  I don’t agree with it, but I’m open to a rational argument against voting for him. 

However, if you vote for John McCain, then yes, you are stupid.

Today’s Lazy I’d Rather Be In New Orleans Post

April 22, 2008 at 11:58 pm | Posted in Bush, New Orleans, Video | 3 Comments

Keep the Change

April 15, 2008 at 8:39 am | Posted in America, Bush, Lowell, New Orleans, Sports | 3 Comments
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A couple weeks ago I considered writing about the Iraq war’s five-year anniversary.

But then I decided not to because it seems futile. I have nothing to say. Even a doped-up grad student who spent most of his time on campus gazing lovingly at the exposed thong-tops of freshmen coeds could’ve predicted this clusterfuck. If you think the war has benefited or will benefit America in any way, shape, or form, then you are a retard. Leave this blog now.

However, while performing a Google image search for Arianna Huffington (SafeSearch set emphatically to OFF), I stumbled upon The $3 Trillion Shopping Spree, a nifty site recently linked to by The Huffington Post, which Lucy the Dog sometimes contributes to under the pen name of “Deepak Chopra”.

The shopping spree gives you a chance to fritter away $3 trill and damn near two hours, filling a shopping cart with the money our president invested in “occupying Iraq and killing over a million people.”

You’d be surprised how far $3 trillion goes. I could only spend $2,239,298,606,460.96 before I ran out of steam. I mean, I could’ve thrown in some debt relief for Liberia or treatment for malaria, but fuck that. I’m not one to spend just because the money’s there. The remainder will do just fine in my ING Orange savings account, thank you kindly.

So here’s the list of what I bought. I encourage you to make your own list and then feel totally annoyed by this colossal waste of dough over the last five years.

B-2 Bomber – 1 purchased for $2,200,000,000

Just because I oppose the Iraq War doesn’t mean I’m some yellow peacenick. Far from it.

With this B-2 bomber, I intend to make Lowell a leading power here in the Merrimack Valley. We will not rule with recklessness. But as Thomas Jefferson wrote in the Declaration of Independence, we will hold the rest of the Valley “as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.”

So be on notice, Merrimack Valley. Lucy the Dog has a B-2 bomber, and she will bomb the shit out of you. Continue Reading Keep the Change…

Do What You Feel Friday!: Reflect Reflectively on Year One

March 7, 2008 at 11:26 pm | Posted in America, DWYFF!, Evil Tribune, Idol, Lowell Sun, New Orleans, Noose, Prez Elimination Party | 5 Comments

queenforadaysmall.jpgStorm clouds are gathering on this Do What You Feel Friday. 

But at the moment, the sun is shining on Lowell and the weather is ideal for a stroll down memory lane. 

Yesterday marked one full year of soul searchin’ and knowledge-droppin’ at Lucy the Blog headquarters.  And what a year it’s been for the Dog. 

We laughed.  We cried.  We learned 12 things about Tyra Banks’s vagina.  We opened foreign bureaus in Pakistan, Sweden, and Chechnya.  And we licked the interior of our anus.  It was awesome!

So today, please take our paw and join us as we revisit some highlights from the last 365 days.  Or don’t.  It’s Friday, so do whatcha wanna, do whatyalike, and do what you feel.

Cue sappy accoustic Green Day song, and commence nostalgic clip montage.

Continue Reading Do What You Feel Friday!: Reflect Reflectively on Year One…

A Fat Man Looks at 80

February 26, 2008 at 6:06 pm | Posted in Birthday, Muzak, New Orleans, Video | Leave a comment
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In the days immediately following Hurricane Katrina, it was widely suspected that Antoine Dominique Domino had perished in his Lower 9th Ward home. But as we learned, it takes more than a Cat 5 to take this Fat Cat down.

Fats Domino is alive and walkin’ and celebrates 80 years on Earth today, perhaps with a bowl of beans cooked in his bathroom. If beans ain’t your thing, why not celebrate by buying yourself this two-disc all-star tribute to Fats, which benefits rebuilding efforts in the Lower 9th. Do it!

Also check out the video below, which could only be improved by Sanjaya Malakar descending from the rafters to take a verse of “Jambalaya”. Wearing a unitard.

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