Patriot’s Day Rerun

April 21, 2008 at 5:50 pm | Posted in America, Essays | 2 Comments
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Coach FootballIn honor of today’s holiday, I thought I’d post “I am a Big and Strong Patriot” by Coach Football (pictured, right).

This classic piece of prose was originally published on August 21, 2001 in Dude.  The essay would be honored later that year with a Pulitzer Prize for its searing insights and subtle eroticism.

So please enjoy and have a Happy Patriots Day.  And to all those marathoners out there, don’t forget to grease your nips!

“I am a Big and Strong Patriot” by Coach Football

As every American must, I embarked on a fine excursion to our nation’s home capital last weekend.  And let me tell you, I’m a different man.  For serious.

I started my weekend by taking the big bus down there.  What a great trip!  They showed some movie with Big American Stars, including Harr Ford.  It was some kind of thriller, with drama and murder and sexual in-you-endo. What a way to start it all!

So I get in, take the cab across the streets to my destination site, near the circle.  Get out, go in, the tall boys are ready, crack ’em open, and sit out on the porch.  People walking down the street, moving to the traffic beats.  Americans!  All of them! 
That night I slept on the cold concrete floor.  Waking up, showering, talking.  Taking the subway line down to the place.  Look at the tourists crowding in and panicking and arguing and looking at maps.  On the contrary, I’m prepared!  I know where I’m going!

All of a suddenly, I’m standing in the Art Gallery.  What a place!  Art all around, by Italians, Germans, the Dutch, even Americans.  Many different artsy stylings, techniques, and colors.  The American stuff is not highly regarded though.  So they keep it hidden to the right side.  

They have this whole ‘nother building that was built in the late 1970s by Jimmy Carter.  That gave me pause.  My understanding of the facts goes something along the lines that Carter was made fun of so much that nothing got done during his Term.  During the Energy Nightmare, Americans became increasingly disillusioned with the Southerner.  Then Reagan freed the hostages, sold the arms to Central America, and defined the mid-1980s. Continue Reading Patriot’s Day Rerun…

Get ARROWED with the TGS Honeys. They look so good.

February 14, 2008 at 6:02 pm | Posted in Video | 2 Comments
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Blogging has been light lately, thanks to a pesky and erotic groin pull that was originally misdiagnosed as a strained hamstring.

But today Lucy the Dog would like to say Happy Valentime’s Day to all our readers, in conjunction with Cheerleader, So and So, Whatsherface, and the Ugly One.

Our only true valentine, Coach Football, first turned us on to Teen Girl Squad back in 1982. Unfortunately, the series seems to have run its course after only 13 issues. But the full archive can be found here: Home Star Runner.

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