Small Person, Giant Presence
June 24, 2009 at 6:40 am | Posted in Lowell, Nola Jane | 3 CommentsTags: Ashlee Welz Smith, Lowell, Miley Cyrus Sex Tape, Opening, Small Person Giant Presence
Oh, hello there. I almost forgot about this dump.
We’ve been a bit frazzled of late, with Ashlee scrambling to finish her show, and Lucy the Dog ass-deep in strong and supportive artist-spouse mode. A true hero, he!
Her show is quite good. It’s about moms and babies and shit. So go check it out if you like art or meatballs. I’ll be making some of the latter. Crockpot, holla.
Small Person, Giant Presence
Ashlee Welz Smith and Meghan Moore
*OPENING RECEPTION: Saturday, June 27th, 5 p.m. to 8 p.m.
Loading Dock Gallery, 122 Western Avenue, Lowell, MA
*The show runs from June 24th to July 26th, 2009 at the Loading Dock Gallery. For hours, click here.
Nola Jane Is A Beast
May 22, 2009 at 12:32 am | Posted in Nola Jane, Sports | 1 CommentTags: groveling, Perk Is a Beast
Nola Jane and unidentified man
These are dark days in the Beast’s dojo. Not quite this dark, but dark all the same.
Thus, in an effort to jolt themselves from the somber doldrums of a lost second-round playoff series to the dreadful and unworthy Orlando Magic, the Beast Lair has generously offered up a free T-shirt to anyone who, well…it’s not entirely clear. In their own words:
“Just give us a reason, any reason…a photoslop, a virtue of the beast, some fantastic statistical anomaly, whatever…and the one we like the best is getting a Beastly T of their choice.”
As of yet, the post has received zero comments, which may be because the site’s commenting feature is too depressed to get out of bed. Every time I try to comment, it says I have to log in or something. But I don’t have a Perk Is A Beast password, as far as I know. So instead, I will plead my case for a free Beastly T right here in my own space.
Dear Beast Lair:
I deserve a free Perk Is A Beast T-shirt because I purchased a size L shirt that was big enough for me, Ashlee, Nola Jane, and Lucy to live in. Since it was ordered through Cafe Press, I didn’t think I could exchange it.
So then I bought a size M shirt. But for that transaction, I was in more of a ringer T mood. Those must be sized differently, because the medium ringer T turned out to be too small. It’s tough to see in the above photo, but those biceps are about to tear the sleeves right the fuck apart. So even though I’ve paid for two Perk Is A Beast shirts, I only have one, and it can only be worn to Europe or when dry-humping coked out bitches at the club.
I also bought a onesie for Nola Jane. It’s a little big, but she’ll grow into it. I tell you this, however, because with those three purchases, by my math, I have invested nearly $75 in the Perk Is A Beast Empire. Of course, all of this waste could have been prevented if I hadn’t gotten small and gone into big-spender mode when I visited your site. But that damage has been done. The only way to rectify matters now is to give me a free T-shirt. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Lucy the Dog
SWINE FLU STRIKES LOWELL!!! HEAD FOR ZEE HILLZ!!!
April 30, 2009 at 12:03 am | Posted in Lowell, Lowell Sun, Nola Jane | 2 CommentsTags: Lowell, Lowell Sun, Nola Jane, Superintendent Chris Scott, swine flu
If I die from swine flu, it's your fault, Chris Scott.
I generally ignore such hysteria, but now that I have a vulnerable and precious little creature to protect, I’m admittedly a bit troubled by today’s news that two middle-schoolers from Lowell are the first confirmed swine flu cases in New England. They likely contracted it during a recent trip to Mexico.
Amidst all the deathly implications, I found one quote from today’s Lowell Sun to be particularly disturbing.
Apparently, the mother of the infected children is a teacher’s aide in the Lowell public schools. And, reports the Sun…
“Superintendent of Schools Chris Scott said she was unsure whether the mother returned to work yesterday.”
Uhhhhh, excuse me?
Wouldn’t that be a good thing to know? I mean, the kids haven’t returned to school since last week, and they were tested on Monday. So it should come as no surprise to their mother that they’re sick. Thus, as a precautionary measure, one would assume she should not be going to school.
And one might even assume that the superintendent should be aware of the situation–I was, after all. Perhaps she might even advise the mother to take a day or two off. At the least though, you’d expect Scott to know whether the teacher’s aide (who, I remind you, is potentially carrying a potentially deadly virus) had, yaknow, showed up to work.
Is it really possible that Chris Scott didn’t know? If so, that’s pretty lame.
ED. NOTE: I apologize for the hyperlocal Lowell coverage of late. I realize that our only Lowell reader is my wife, so this is probably a bore for the rest of you. But that’s your fault for not living here in the swine flu capital of New England. There’s a lot to like about Lowell!
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