Tags: DWYFF!, Lowell, Simon and Garfunkel
Today marks the much-anticipated return of Do What You Feel Friday, Coach Football’s favorite blog feature and the preferred reading for his candle-lit mastubatory sessions*.
We’ve been dwelling on violence here at Lucy the Blog, in the wake of Tavyrna Chouen’s murder and my growing homicidal tendencies. Last night, the face of violence quite literally showed up at our doorstep. Hijinx did not ensue.
It came out of nowhere, really. Ash was putting Nola to bed, and I was slogging through the wreckage of our home, trying to make sense of the chaos and clutter. We’re having repairs done to flood damage in our bedroom and nursery, which required us to move everything into the office, where we all live like hobos under the glow of the iMac. Because Ash can’t go to the studio, her painting gear is scattered about the living room, along with baby gymnasiums and chewed up dog toys. All quite lovely.
It started with a few screams in the distance. And then in seemingly no time at all, two grown men were rolling around our front yard, surrounded by a crowd of people cheering and hollaring, encircling the brawl like it was a cockfight.
Tags: Art, Blah blah blah, Brazilian soccer jersey, DWYFF!, Shameless plug
So on your Friday of doing what you feel, rather than waste time here, why not head over to Ashlee’s hot revamped website to check out her latest paintings.
President’s Day is right around the corner, and if you’re scrambling for a last-minute gift, nothing says “I love presidents” like a painting of me gnawing on Gonzo’s cheek while fantasizing about Perry Ellis’s ankle. Let’s face it, I am adorable.
So click the link and tell your friends.
Support the arts, and do what you feel.
It’s Friday, after all. And we’re po’.
If this option doesn’t interest you, then as an alternate Friday activity, why not find out what your name would look like on a Brazlian soccer jersey? It’s fun and culturish. Thanks, Bildo!
Tags: Baba Booey, DWYFF!, Eric the Midget, Howard Stern, Sal the Stockbroker, Sarah Silverman, Valentina Vaughan
It started with my online meltdown on Mediocre Tuesday, where I exposed myself as too dumb to even understand if Obama or Hillary were winning. Or if anyone was winning. On that matter, I remain confused.
Then Wednesday and Thursday, I watched the news coverage of the Harvard kids playing with Paris Hilton and Charlize Theron, who were awarded the Harvard Lampoon Woman of the Year and Hasty Pudding Woman of the Year, respectively.
I’ve never understood these seemingly self-important and inside-jokey presentations. But perhaps that’s the point. They’re for the cool kids who understand things that I don’t understand, and that’s why they’re in Harvard and I’m in my pajamas. I envy those kids. It looks like fun being all young and smart.
Last night, I watched Bourne Identity, a movie that I failed to understand. Why does that main CIA guy get killed in the end? Why is Julia Stiles not in high school? What’s the deal with that poor-man’s version of Forrest Whitaker’s Idi Amin? Why do they kill him? Can’t Matt Damon and the CIA just work things out?
I’m never good with ‘thrillers.’ They require suspending disbelief to a degree that I’m incapable of. Too much time is spent trying to figure out who’s good and who’s bad and what in the hell is going on, rather than sitting back and absorbing the pretty colors flying across the screen. And try as I might, I rarely understand such movies.
But I’ll tell you two things I do understand:
(1) Anything for a penny is a damn fine deal, and
(2) When Sal the Stockbroker’s wife shoots him in the ass with a paintball gun, that is funny!
This weekend, Howard TV onDemand is offering an 80-minute preview for one cent, featuring the best Howard Stern show moments of 2007. I just watched it, and to be honest, it’s good though not great. But it’s certainly worth a cent.
Tags: DWYFF!, Jim Lehrer, Party games, Super Bowl predictions, Things you can do with your bum
Here in the Bloghouse, Lucy the Dog has a little tradition that goes down the first Friday of every February. While it may be too late for you to pull this off tonight, there’s nothing saying you can’t do it next Friday or the Friday after that. It just so happens that for us, the first Friday in February has always worked.
First, our dear friend Supafly Kim Jong Ill swings by for a few cold ones and a game or two of backgammon. At 6 o’clock, we watch The News Hour with Jim Lehrer. And then at around 7, I handcuff Kim’s hands behind his back. He knows this is coming, so he’s never really startled or anything. It’s an annual event, after all.
Anywho. At around that time, some more friends join us, along with a few ladies. The ladies are recruited well in advance, usually by placing a simple ad on Craig’s List. But if the ad doesn’t work out, we just find some chicks over at the high school, which is convenient because it’s right down the street. The key is getting girls with agility, flexibility, and a competitive edge, who enjoy having a real nice time. Ideally they should look like they’re over 18.
Now what you want to do is line the ladies up, not too far from Supafly Kim Jong Ill, or whoever is wearing the handcuffs for your particular Do What You Feel Friday gathering.
When everyone’s ready, turn on some of your favorite mood music. Kim prefers this hot mash-up by Ton Loc and Salt ‘N Pepa, but I’m partial to “Temperature” by Sean Paul or pretty much anything by the Kingston Trio.
Now once the music is pumping, set your handcuffed guest of honor on his knees, and invite the first girl to grind her bum on his chest. Gently, at first. She’s not trying to leave a mark. But this is a competition, so she should give a little effort. If she doesn’t, the rest of your friends should make “BOOOO”-ing sounds, or push her to try harder by yelling things like, “You suck, bitch!” or “You’re not very good at grinding your bum on my friend’s chest, bitch!”
Once it seems like the first lady has fully demonstrated her capabilities, Lucy the Dog, as host of the event, will call out, “SWITCH!” That indicates it’s time for the next competitor.
It’s incumbent upon that next competitor to show that she can do even more with her bum than the first competitor. She may try a figure four necklock, for example, applying a vice grip to Kim Jong Ill’s head and then dry-humping his face as fast as she can. Or she may toss creativity out the window and focus solely on velocity.
One by one, at the host’s call of “SWITCH!”, the ladies will do things with their bum and various parts of your handcuffed guest. You’d be surprised by how fast some girls can shake their bum. Especially the younger ones. Some can even shake their bum while standing on their hands!
Which reminds me, it’s imperative that prior to starting the music, everyone involved stretches properly. More than 85 percent of sports-related injuries could be avoided by stretching.
Even for a writer as skilled and accomplished as Lucy the Dog, it’s tough to accurately describe such a gathering – the ol’ “dancing about architecture dilemma.” So I’ve provided a home video from last year. What a time we had! It’s funny too, because you really create an eternal bond with people through such shared experiences. To point, I just got an e-mail from the girl with the red hair who you’ll see at the end. She’s doing a semester abroad in Prague this year and wanted to say how sorry she was to be missing our gathering. I guess that’s what community is all about.
So that’s what I’ll be doing this Friday, and perhaps you can too. But if not, it’s still Friday! Do what you feel!
BONUS: Super Bowl Prediction: Giants: 11, Falcons: 5 (coulda been you, Coach Football)