Do What You Feel Friday!: Drop a Penny

February 8, 2008 at 8:55 pm | Posted in DWYFF!, TV | 9 Comments
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penny.jpgThis week, like most weeks, was filled with things that Lucy the Dog could not understand.

It started with my online meltdown on Mediocre Tuesday, where I exposed myself as too dumb to even understand if Obama or Hillary were winning.  Or if anyone was winning.  On that matter, I remain confused.

Then Wednesday and Thursday, I watched the news coverage of the Harvard kids playing with Paris Hilton and Charlize Theron, who were awarded the Harvard Lampoon Woman of the Year and Hasty Pudding Woman of the Year, respectively. 

I’ve never understood these seemingly self-important and inside-jokey presentations.  But perhaps that’s the point.  They’re for the cool kids who understand things that I don’t understand, and that’s why they’re in Harvard and I’m in my pajamas.  I envy those kids.  It looks like fun being all young and smart.

Last night, I watched Bourne Identity, a movie that I failed to understand.  Why does that main CIA guy get killed in the end?  Why is Julia Stiles not in high school?  What’s the deal with that poor-man’s version of Forrest Whitaker’s Idi Amin?  Why do they kill him?  Can’t Matt Damon and the CIA just work things out?

I’m never good with ‘thrillers.’  They require suspending disbelief to a degree that I’m incapable of.  Too much time is spent trying to figure out who’s good and who’s bad and what in the hell is going on, rather than sitting back and absorbing the pretty colors flying across the screen.  And try as I might, I rarely understand such movies.

But I’ll tell you two things I do understand:

(1) Anything for a penny is a damn fine deal, and
(2) When Sal the Stockbroker’s wife shoots him in the ass with a paintball gun, that is funny!

This weekend, Howard TV onDemand is offering an 80-minute preview for one cent, featuring the best Howard Stern show moments of 2007.  I just watched it, and to be honest, it’s good though not great.  But it’s certainly worth a cent.

 

stern.jpgI’ve been a Sirius Radio subscriber since Howard left free radio, and his show has evolved into something bigger than even he could have imagined.  With two channels to fill, there’s a ridiculous amount of Stern-centric broadcasting, including a post-show wrap-up show, a Howard 100 News department, and programs hosted by fringe characters in the ever-expanding Stern universe. 

It really is an amazing and peculiar empire he’s created.  And I love it. 

I actually feel like I’m part of a community, albeit a slightly disturbed community.  But we’re a privileged group that gathers at the circus for a few hours every day prepared for anything.  Rarely does the show disappoint, and unlike the terrestrial years, there are hardly any commercial interruptions.  It’s been well worth the Sirius subscription fee, and that’s without taking into consideration all the music channels and Lynne Samuels on Sirius Left.

But with all that being said, as an objective fan, I think the Howard TV Penny Preview fails on a couple levels.

For one, it focuses on the perverse and absurd, and only just taps into the psychological dramas that play out on a daily basis.  The first segment is devoted to the sexiest sybian rides of the year, with the sybian being a vibrating saddle of sorts that porn stars and nude models usually ride to completion at the end of their appearances.  Additional segments feature various displays of hot chicks being nude and horny, which is all well and good.  T&A is undoubtedly a critical component of the Stern brand. 

But the true appeal of being a Stern disciple is following the psychodramas of the show’s personalities.  You become invested in the lives of these people.  Listening to Sal cry about his wife’s emotional friend, or Howard agonize over his pending nuptials, or High-Pitched Mike feud with Artie is what helps pull me out of bed at 6 AM.  The sybian rides are fine, but I could take them or leave them.  To truly appreciate the show, it takes more than 80 minutes, and it goes way beyond Valentina’s Vaughan’s admittedly stellar cans.

The second failure of the Penny Preview, which may seem inconsistent with the first, is it’s just too, too much.  80 uninterrupted minutes of these high points of lunacy is overwhelming. 

fist.jpgWhile I cherish my radio subscription, I’m way too involved with these people as it is.  I can’t imagine being able to watch all this junk on television as well.  That would move into a creepy realm that I’m uncomfortable with.  Before I know it, I’d probably be out on a street corner yelling BABABOOEY behind a local news reporter.  You have to draw a line somewhere.  And for most reasonable Stern fans, this almost-free annual preview will probably be adequate.  So as a means to attract new subscribers, I’m not sure it works.

And finally, the third failure?  WHERE IS ERIC THE MIDGET?????  In 80 minutes, at least five minutes should be dedicated to Eric.  Anything less is a travesty.

So in conclusion, there are many things you can do this Friday.  But there aren’t many you can do for a penny.  While it’s not the greatest viewing ever, you can fast forward through whatever bores you and still find plenty of laughs. 

And if watching Sarah Silverman sniff Richard Christie’s balls doesn’t do it for you, I also noticed that onDemand has Sarah Silverman’s “Jesus is Magic” in the Free Movies section.  And that shit is hilarious, start to finish.  So there’s a possibility.

Or maybe you could just sit on your rump and do nothing.  It’s your call, dude.  It’s your Friday.  Do what you feel.

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9 Comments »

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  1. I feel like pooping

  2. I loved the Sal crying over his wife’s emotional friend and I love anything that Richard Christie does. He’s just flat out funny. However, I do have a few problems with Howard on Sirius.

    1. Too much ass kissing of unfunny comedians like Lisa Lampinelli and other Artie Lange sycophants. I hate stand up comedians with a passion. They aren’t worth it.

    2. Too much racist content. I don’t think Howard’s racist but one too many N-word jokes from Artie, Sal and the rest of the guys. I just think they go to far.

    3. Benjy Bronk never needs to be heard ever.

    4. Fred’s frankenstein laugh.

    5. I hate every movie Howard and Robin love. And I think Howard has absurd taste in music, women, and movies in general.

    6. Howard 100 news sucks. The Wrap up show is awesome.

    7. Bubba sucks.

    8. Farrel sucks.

    9. Anytime Howard goes outside of his radio show sucks. I thought the history of Howard Stern was abysmal, as are his radio skits.

    10. Only working four days a week sucks.

    The things I love.

    1. Eric the Midget.

    2. High Pitched Eric

    3. Riley Martin

    4. When Artie falls asleep.

    5. Any Bababooey sound clip.

    6. Robin’s songs.

    7. Richard’s dad.

    8. Gary the Retard.

    9. Anytime there is no guests.

    10. The song parodies.

  3. And of course, Big Foot it is.

  4. That’s a pretty thorough list you’ve compiled, and I agree with most of it. My praise for the Howard on Sirius experience is more directed at his show, specifically, and not the other stuff. The only thing I tune into consistently is the actual show. And then I tell myself, ‘I’m not going to listen to the wrap-up show today. It’s just too silly and too much Stern.’ And then I proceed to listen to the wrap-up show.

    As for your dislikes:

    (1) I only half-heartedly agree with this. I don’t mind comedians sitting in on the news once in a while, but it does get tired. I like Gilbert once every few months. And I don’t mind Lisa, who you mention specifically.

    Artie is another discussion altogether. I’m torn. I want to like him more than I do. His timing is awful, in my opinion, and to use one of his terms, he ‘crowbars’ in stories and bad jokes when they’re totally unnecessary. He ALWAYS has a story to one-up or bring the conversation to himself. Very passively narcissistic or something. That diagnosis coming from someone who has a blog about themselves as if anyone cares. But take it as you will.

    On the other hand, I love Artie falling asleep (one of the best moments on the Penny Preview) and I love Artie always being near dying. It makes for great suspense.

    2. I would have more of a problem with the racism if Howard seemed to endorse it in any way. But generally when it rears its head, it’s honest and revealing about someone, so that makes it interesting. And Howard’s generally quick to stop it if it gets out of hand. (Which isn’t to say there’s such a thing as in-hand, or acceptable racism. But you know what I mean.)

    3. Benjy’s a fellow Penn State alum. Represent. But I don’t really understand what he does during the show.

    5. Are you telling me I should take “Eastern Promises” out of my Netflix Q? They’ve been raving about it lately.

    I kind of like that I don’t get Howard’s attraction to Beth, who I find pretty enough but nothing to go nuts over. However, to me this is something I like about the show. It makes me feel superior to Howard, in the same way that I feel superior to Tom Brady for not being all that into Gisele/Moynihan/T. Reid.

    9. I listened to maybe 20 minutes of the history of Howard and found it self-indulgent but incredible in terms of production. A LOT of work went into that thing. So while I didn’t get much out of it in terms of entertainment, I give them credit for putting it together.

    10. This I just disagree with. For the amount of content they’re delivering those four days, I can’t begrudge a Friday off. Not having those 20-minute commercial breaks the other four days makes it an even exchange, I think. I would, however, like them to bring back the Friday Show with Gary, Ralph, and Jon Hind/Hine? Sir Masterpiece Theatre’s dull, and I won’t listen to anything hosted by “Sir Hard and Thick.” I hate when they use lame juvenile humor like that. It’s beneath them.

    As for the things you love, I agree with all of them. Emphatically, it is.

    And I think the lack of censorship really benefits those phony phone calls and that sort of thing, more so than the fact that he can get into lesbian stories and such. The phone calls have been great lately.

  5. and what’s a brother gotta do to get a linebreak around here, wordpress?

  6. […] Orleans, Video | Tags: Harry Shearer, Ned Flanders, New Orleans, Obama for President Another thing I don’t understand is why people condemn Barack Obama for a lack of substance on the issues.  While his […]

  7. I can’t believe you losers just spent all that time dissecting a penny’s worth of racist, mysogynistic, peurile crap. With straight faces, like it’s a serious topic for debate. What are you, 14? I remember when you guys were cool. It was right before I found out you were manaics for Stern.

  8. Benjy’s the best guy on the show! He was great
    at Penn State too.

  9. He really is hard n thick


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