Lucy the Blog

Do What You Feel Friday!: Shake It and SWITCH!

Here in the Bloghouse, Lucy the Dog has a little tradition that goes down the first Friday of every February.  While it may be too late for you to pull this off tonight, there’s nothing saying you can’t do it next Friday or the Friday after that.  It just so happens that for us, the first Friday in February has always worked.

First, our dear friend Supafly Kim Jong Ill swings by for a few cold ones and a game or two of backgammon.  At 6 o’clock, we watch The News Hour with Jim Lehrer.  And then at around 7, I handcuff Kim’s hands behind his back.  He knows this is coming, so he’s never really startled or anything.  It’s an annual event, after all.

Anywho.  At around that time, some more friends join us, along with a few ladies.  The ladies are recruited well in advance, usually by placing a simple ad on Craig’s List.  But if the ad doesn’t work out, we just find some chicks over at the high school, which is convenient because it’s right down the street.  The key is getting girls with agility, flexibility, and a competitive edge, who enjoy having a real nice time.  Ideally they should look like they’re over 18.

Now what you want to do is line the ladies up, not too far from Supafly Kim Jong Ill, or whoever is wearing the handcuffs for your particular Do What You Feel Friday gathering. 

When everyone’s ready, turn on some of your favorite mood music.  Kim prefers this hot mash-up by Ton Loc and Salt ‘N Pepa, but I’m partial to “Temperature” by Sean Paul or pretty much anything by the Kingston Trio.

Now once the music is pumping, set your handcuffed guest of honor on his knees, and invite the first girl to grind her bum on his chest.  Gently, at first.  She’s not trying to leave a mark.  But this is a competition, so she should give a little effort.  If she doesn’t, the rest of your friends should make “BOOOO”-ing sounds, or push her to try harder by yelling things like, “You suck, bitch!” or “You’re not very good at grinding your bum on my friend’s chest, bitch!”

Once it seems like the first lady has fully demonstrated her capabilities, Lucy the Dog, as host of the event, will call out, “SWITCH!”  That indicates it’s time for the next competitor. 

It’s incumbent upon that next competitor to show that she can do even more with her bum than the first competitor.  She may try a figure four necklock, for example, applying a vice grip to Kim Jong Ill’s head and then dry-humping his face as fast as she can.  Or she may toss creativity out the window and focus solely on velocity.

One by one, at the host’s call of “SWITCH!”, the ladies will do things with their bum and various parts of your handcuffed guest.  You’d be surprised by how fast some girls can shake their bum.  Especially the younger ones.  Some can even shake their bum while standing on their hands! 

Which reminds me, it’s imperative that prior to starting the music, everyone involved stretches properly.  More than 85 percent of sports-related injuries could be avoided by stretching.

Even for a writer as skilled and accomplished as Lucy the Dog, it’s tough to accurately describe such a gathering – the ol’ “dancing about architecture dilemma.”  So I’ve provided a home video from last year.  What a time we had!  It’s funny too, because you really create an eternal bond with people through such shared experiences.  To point, I just got an e-mail from the girl with the red hair who you’ll see at the end.  She’s doing a semester abroad in Prague this year and wanted to say how sorry she was to be missing our gathering.  I guess that’s what community is all about.

So that’s what I’ll be doing this Friday, and perhaps you can too.  But if not, it’s still Friday!  Do what you feel!

BONUS:  Super Bowl Prediction:  Giants: 11, Falcons: 5  (coulda been you, Coach Football)