If You Vote for John McCain, You Are Stupid*

September 3, 2008 at 11:12 pm | Posted in America, Bush, New Orleans | 4 Comments
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The cognitive dissonance between reality and the Republican party’s talking points has been particularly dizzying as of late.

This past weekend, Newt Gingrich heralded Sarah Palin’s qualifications on ABC This Week, noting, among other things, her mad flute skillz.

Meanwhile, McCain’s other trophy wife, the Ferdinand Imelda Marcos of haute couteure soft casts (seriously, screw the houses, how many multi-colored soft casts does this lady have for that wrist), defended Palin’s international creds by noting that Palin comes from Alaska, which is really, really close to Russia.

But of all this bullshit, none is more mind-blowing than the glowing praise being heaped upon Old Man McCain every day for hosting a subdued convention in the wake of Hurricane Gustave.  Kerry Healey, the Imelda Marcos of battery-operated love toys (take my word for it), told Emily Rooney that McCain’s mature handling of the convention – putting the country first! – was in stark contrast to the substance-free glamour of the Democratic National Convention.

And last night, Joe Leiberman said:

“What you can expect from John McCain as President is precisely what he has done this week.” 

McCain himself told Chris Wallace on Fox News:

“It wouldn’t be appropriate to have a festive occasion while a near tragedy or a terrible challenge is presented in the form of a natural disaster.”

No, John?  Wouldn’t it be?  That’s odd because a few years ago, when a real tragedy – not a “near tragedy” – was unfolding, it seemed like a perfectly OK time to party. 

In fact, here’s a photo of the guy who conveniently couldn’t make it to the RNC – he’s very busy, suddenly – presenting you with a birthday cake on the very day that Hurricane Katrina was drowning New Orleans.

So here’s some straight talk express for the Republican ticket.  Go fuck yourself, John McCain.  And show your tits, Sarah Palin.  Seriously.  I totally want to see ’em.

*This should not be interpreted to mean that you are stupid if you don’t vote for Obama.  I can see why a one might not want to vote for Obama.  I don’t agree with it, but I’m open to a rational argument against voting for him. 

However, if you vote for John McCain, then yes, you are stupid.

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4 Comments »

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  1. Any insight if it’s a DieHard battery in Kerry Healey’s closet?

  2. Don’t you mean “the Imelda Marcos” of battery-operated whatsies and soft casts? You pervert?

  3. oddly enough, i actually wikipedia-d ferdinand marcos because i couldn’t remember his wife’s name. then i got distracted and read the entire ferdinand marcos entry. and then i forgot to go back and replace my marcos placeholders. so maybe it’s me who’s stupid.

    and i can not attest to what types of batteries power miss healey’s love. but i have only begun to vet.

  4. amen, brotha.


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