Tags: Chris Isaack, Derek Jeter, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Michael Vick, Scarlett Johanssen
It takes someone special to knock Ashlee from the top spot on Lucy the Blog, especially on the eve of her opening.
But on this day in 1974, the Lord blessed all of us mere mortals with the gift of Derek Sanderson Jeter.
On his kickass blog, Yankee beat writer Peter Abraham recounts that a reporter once asked Jeter what the best birthday he ever had was. Jeter’s response: “Aw, you know I can’t tell you that.”
Undoubtedly, it involved finding a cure for cancer and feeding the hungry while in the midst of some ungodly sex romp with Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Scarlett Johansson, your mother, or any combination thereof.
And surely, his performance was clutch. For clutch is all that Derek Jeter knows.
So today, we salute you, Oh Captain, My Captain.
And may I please offer you my firstborn daughter as a gift on this monumental occassion. I know it is not much for a man of your riches, but she is all that I can give.
I would offer the wife as well, but she foolishly thinks you’re too full of yourself. I know, I know. I hate her.
Also born on this day were Chris Isaack, who gave us Helena Christensen in sand-covered black-and-white, Jason Schwartzman, who gave us Max Fischer, and Michael Vick, who sucks.
Hap-Hap-Happy Birthday to you all, from Lucy the Dog!