Totally Uninspired American Idol Recap: Tubthumping with Sanjaya

March 28, 2007 at 7:45 am | Posted in Idol | 5 Comments

sanjaya_ponyhawk.jpgMuch has been made of this site, which has been rallying support for Sanjaya Malakar to win American Idol, falsely claiming him to be the worst.  Of course, it is widely known and scientifically proven that Sanjaya is, in fact, the best.

But as General Tso famously wrote, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.”  And our mutual enemy in this case is anyone who dares wrong Sanjaya by denying him his rightful place as your American Idol.

Each week it becomes clearer that Sanjaya is the only thing this show has going for it.  Did the contestants suck this hard every other season?  Or has the competition simply withered in the shadow of Sanjaya’s awesomeness.  It is quite possible that a young Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley, or Marvin Gaye would have shared this struggle to keep pace with Malakar week after week.  It is a daunting task to be sure.  

The other-rans have little to offer.  I spent the first couple acts pondering the enormity of LaKisha’s boobs.  What would it be like to see those bad larries unleashed in the private confines of the boudoir?  To be smothered in all their wonder?  Nothing I’ve experienced to this point has prepared me for such a moment.  A chicken hawk floats over, looking for home.  I have wasted my life. Continue Reading Totally Uninspired American Idol Recap: Tubthumping with Sanjaya…


American Idol Recap: You Had Me At Sanjaya

March 21, 2007 at 2:12 pm | Posted in Idol, Muzak, TV, Video | 3 Comments


There is a British Invasion in my pants.  And it’s all because of you, Sanjaya.  You’ve got me so I don’t know what I’m doin’.

Idol pulled out all the stops to celebrate the British Invasion last night.  The special guests were Peter Noone from Hermin’s Hermits and some lady named Lulu – the first two names you think of in 60’s British rock, right after The Beatles, The Kinks, The Rolling Stones, The Yardbirds, Dusty Springfield, The Animals, and The Zombies.  And then another nine or ten bands.  Then you think of Peter Noone and Lulu.  They were the best.

Full recap PLUS video of Sanjaya’s performance after the jump!!!
Continue Reading American Idol Recap: You Had Me At Sanjaya…

Open Letter

March 21, 2007 at 3:20 am | Posted in Idol | 2 Comments

Dear Recent Visitor to Lucy the Blog:

According to my WordPress Blog Stats, you stumbled into Lucy the Blog earlier this evening by typing “Haley Scarnato braless” into a search engine.  I can only imagine the disappointment that befell you upon realizing that Lucy the Blog could not satiate your need for internet content related to a braless Haley Scarnato.  Believe me, no one is more troubled than I about this site’s lack of braless Scarnato imagery.  It is a shortcoming that we are working tirelessly to remedy.

Please rest assured that our best men are on the case.  In the meantime, I invite you to enjoy Wednesday’s Idol wrap-up post, which is sure to include no less than three pictures of a braless Sanjaya Malakar.  Expect it by noon.

Until then, best wishes,

Lucy the Dog

American Idol Recap: Now With 15% More Gay!!!

March 14, 2007 at 12:17 pm | Posted in Idol, Muzak, TV | 2 Comments

Last week, conservative pundit Ann Coulter landed in a heap o’ trouble by calling John Edwards a “faggot.”  I can’t imagine defending Coulter for anything, and this case is no exception.  “Faggot” may not be The N Word, but it’s scathing and hateful enough to be retired from our everyday lexicon.  I will not miss it.


However, I am not so willing to part with “gay.”  As in, “That is so gay, dude.”

Using “gay” in that context is widely considered inappropriate and offensive–at least within the elite cultural and intellecutal circles that I frequent.  But what other word will be at your disposal this evening, when the American Idol contestants do their little Disneyish group performance to start the show?  Or last night, what was it when Brandon Rogers pranced around singing “You Can’t Hurry Love”?  It was gay, that’s what it was!  Totally friggin’ gay!

I don’t mean gay in the homosexual way.  And I don’t even mean it in an effeminate way.  I just mean it in the gay way, and that’s the problem.  There’s no other word to describe it.  Or to replace it.  So unless someone gives me a different word that adequately conveys what “gay”, when used properly, conveys…I don’t know how I can possibly stop using it. 

It’s not like there’s no precedent here.  Gay didn’t always have a strictly homosexual connotation.  There was a time when it meant happy and gleeful.  Festive.  And I think my use of gay might be closer to that definition than to the homosexual definition.  Is that an inadequate justification?  Am I wrong?  Am I a bigot?  Can anyone say what form should be the exclusive form of the word?

Would fruity be better?  How about camp?  “Idol is totally camp, man!”  That doesn’t really work, especially since mostly gay people use the word camp.  The average dumb straight person wouldn’t know what the hell you’re talking about.  And more importantly, Idol is not camp.  Nor is it fruity.  It’s just gay, man.  Gay!

I may be wrong about all of this.  If someone can convince me that I shouldn’t use “gay,” I’ll stop using it.  I am nothing if not open-minded.  And it’s usually only an issue on Tuesdays and Wednesdays anyway. 

But moving onto the actual show, you can find a rundown of last night’s episode, the first on the big stage with the Final Twelve, after the jump.

Continue Reading American Idol Recap: Now With 15% More Gay!!!…

Weird British Guy Driving Car

March 9, 2007 at 8:10 pm | Posted in Idol, Video | Leave a comment

I’m still trying to collect myself after saying goodbye to *Antonella Barba last night.  So I don’t really feel like writing today.  I still have Sanjay, I tell myself.  My sweet, sweet, lean cup of mocha Sanjay.  But Antonella is gone, and it is a dark day.barba.jpg 

Anyhow, my dad sent this and I thought it’d give me a chance to try posting video.

It’s impressive stuff, but whenever I see something like this, I immediately wonder why they can’t start cranking ’em out now.  If they know how to do it, why’s it going to take 10 to 20 years?  Hopefully some of that time will be spent finding a more sturdy material than glass to protect passengers during a head-on collision.  Because right now it looks sorta scary.

*Barba link may not be safe for work if you work in one of those uptight corporate gigs where they look down on skanky hot Jersey chicks in wet t-shirts frolicking in the World War II memorial fountain. Squares!

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