Beyond the Palin

September 6, 2008 at 12:09 am | Posted in America, Lowell | 6 Comments
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This morning, as I was boarding the elevator to my office building, I overheard two women, who I’d guess were in their late-forties or early-fifties, gleefully discussing the mind-bendingly bizarre phenomenon that is Sarah Palin.

“She’s incredible,” one of them said to the other, her chubby neck rippling all the while. “I’m going to vote for McCain because she’ll be running the show. He can’t stand up to her. She’s amazing!”

Had I been able to react quickly enough, I would have punched that lady right in the eye. But instead, I stood there dumbfounded, no less so than I was when the barracuda was first thrust upon us a week ago (it’s only been a week!), and no less so than when I listened to her whacked-out hate-filled diatribe Wednesday night.

Coming on the heels of Romney’s twisted meltdown and Giuliani’s “red meat”-heavy rant (can we please retire the term “red meat,” pretty please), it seemed impossible that Palin could offer anything more offensive than what we’d already heard. But one should not underestimate Sarah Palin. (Nor should one question her credentials or any of the rapidly accumulating lies that fall from her lipsticked bulldog lips. Because that’s sexist. How dare you?)

The passage that really blew my feeble mind was when Palin said that, “a small-town mayor is sort of like a community organizer, except that you have actual responsibilities.”

To this, the crowd guffawed derisively, as they had earlier when Giuliani mentioned Obama’s history as a community organizer. And then once the laughter subsided, they returned to being pasty men with creepy fantasies of throughly vetting Madam Palin in a bathtub filled with homegrown, blackey, gooey, yummy domestic oil. DRILL, BABY, DRILL! DRILL, BABY, DRILL!

Thankfully, critics from all walks of life have spoken out against Palin’s childish slight, and they have done so eloquently. I, however, shall not.

Ahem.

FUCK YOU, SARAH PALIN. FUCK YOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

You just spent four days bitching about the incompetence of Washington, which was obviously spoiled by the liberal stranglehold on the power structure over the last 12 years. (Wait, what?)

But while Washington was being incompetent, who do you think was getting shit done?

While Washington sent children to die and neglected those who returned, who do you think was helping the families left behind or sending care packages or hanging signs on highway overpasses?

While Washington watched New Orleans mold over for months after Katrina, who do you think was leading rebuilding efforts?

While you fight abortion and comprhensive sex education, who’s busting their asses to keep the kids of unwanted pregnancies on the straight and narrow?

While your party jacks the federal deficit with this bullshit war (which you justify as the will of GOD for god’s sake!), who do you think is picking up the slack for all the social services that have been slashed?

When municipalities can’t afford to put cops on the street, who do you think runs after-school programs to keep kids out of trouble?

Who do you think cleans the shit out of the canals in Lowell?

Who do you think fought for the rights of those with handicaps, like your friggin’ SON?

Who was Martin Luther King? Who was Susan B. Anthony? Who was that ex-con with the weird cadence to his voice on “The Wire” who started a boxing gym? Who were the Founding Fathers before they were the Founding Fathers? Who was JESUS FUCKING CHRIST?

The answer to all of this, of course, is COMMUNITY ORGANIZERS, you brainless fuckin’ puppet! If you sat on a PTA, you were practically a community organizer yourself, and you’re too goddamn stupid to know it! It’s the most selfless, important work that any American can do! Ask your own running mate! His advocacy of community organizing and community service is the only commendable thing about his entire platform!

Stay in Alaska, please, Sarah Palin. Go stick your head in an igloo or chase wolves from an airplane or get knocked up again or whatever the hell it is you do that so warms the piss of Republican zombies. We’ve got enough of your dumb-ass kind here on the mainland.

RELATED:
Community Organizing Leaders Speak Out About “Actual Responsibilities”
What a Community Organizer Does
Truly a Bridge to Nowhere

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6 Comments »

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  1. ya think she’s the only one in the family that yells “drill, baby drill!”?

  2. POP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Also, if she’s a MILF, my dick must be broken.

  3. You sell your eloquence short, Luce. Well done. And now we know why we haven’t met Cadillac Arcana yet.

  4. Her speech was written before McCain selected her, according to the latest issue of the New Yorker. So no matter who McCain’s VP selection was, the substance of the speech (and perhaps the “jokes”) would have been the same.

    Nice to see you posting again. Okay, back to the playbook.

  5. did everyone see the snl skit? check it out online….

    “I can see russia from my house!!!!”

  6. Well… Sarah Palin’s good for one thing (well three if you include drilling the shit out of our national parks and being a dipshit): Getting you writing again. Hooray!


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