Act Like You’ve Been There, Lowell

April 4, 2008 at 7:53 pm | Posted in America, Lowell, Lowell Sun, Movies | 7 Comments
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screamingfans.jpgLucy the Dog is by no means immune to celebrity worship. 

And we welcome any exposure or economic and cultural gains brought to our beloved Lowell by the filming of This Side of the Truth.

However, the first frame has yet to be shot and the city is already swooning like starstruck schoolgirls. 

I love Ricky Gervais’s humor as much as anyone.  And if I stumble upon Tina Fey, I will have no choice but to cop a feel of her adorable buttocks.  But we’re not talking about Ridge Forrester or Sanjaya Malakar.  Get it together, people.

Yesterday, a Boston Globe headline proclaimed, “As Lowell prepares for its close-up, locals have stars in their eyes.”

“Merrimack Valley, don your shades:  Lowell is soon to be the location of a film shoot for a major motion picture with a star-studded cast, including Jennifer Garner.

‘Jennifer Garner coming into Lowell – that’s a 10!’ said Mayor Edward “Bud” Caulfield.  ‘We’re really excited about it.  It will certainly put Lowell on the map.'”

Will it really, Bud?  No doubt Garner’s a 10, and if I see her buying scratch-offs at Excel Liquors I might feel some fleeting pang of excitement.  But what town did E.T. put on the map?  Or There Will Be Blood?  Is this low-budget comedy really going to “put Lowell on the map”?  What say you, locals? 

“As Lowell spruces up its downtown, the movie shoot is just one more reason making it a must-see destination, according to locals.  They say the film will draw tourists to Lowell and its many attractions, including historic mills and the two rivers running through it.”

Well mark this local down as skeptical.  The movie will be a nice little thing for the city.  But it will not draw tourists to Lowell.  Not even one.  And yet…

“(Mayor) Caulfield said he planned to give the stars of the movie red-carpet treatment, presenting them with citations and pewter pins, ‘very nicely done, of the City Hall with the American flag attached to it,’ and possibly keys to the city.”

gervaisking.jpgKeys to the city???  To the likes of Louis C.K.?  What exactly did Louis C.K. do for Lowell? 

How about a key for Gregg Croteau at the United Teen Equality Center, who’s dragging the city’s troubled youth to better lives? 

Or Karl Frey, who’s responsible for Western Avenue Studios, the most exciting new arts facility in Lowell and the Merrimack Valley*?  

How about a key for the psycho-looking guy who calls himself Psycho and hangs out on the corner by City Hall?  Caulfield continues…  

“We’re hoping other actors and actresses will say, ‘Let’s go to Lowell because they treated us well.'”

Yes, undoubtedly Jonah Hill will be burning up his Blackberry and spreading the gospel to Judd Apatow’s entire comedy clique. 

“Seth, Will!  It’s Jonah!  Dude, you have got to get to Lowell.  They’re giving out pewter pins with the City Hall and the American flag on them and everything!  Plus the Goldfish Maki at Blue Taleh is to die for!**”

The Globe reports that roughly 800 people spent hours waiting in the cold last Saturday, to apply for a spot as an extra in the film.  Lowell High graduate Patrick Landry, 19, called getting onscreen his “dream.”

That’s fine, I guess; there’s nothing wrong with wanting to partake in new experiences.  And I’m not trying to be a killjoy.  But I really don’t see the need to cream our pants simply because Rob Lowe might get a latee at Brew’d Awakenings.  We’re not Los Angeles and we’re not even Boston.  But we’re not Clark Fork, Idaho either.  Play it cool, brothers and sisters.

It’s one thing to appreciate and embrace this novelty for what it is.  But it would be nice to see the city — and particularly its officials and media — maintain some perspective and rise above the rest of America’s celebrity-obsessed culture.  

Doing so might be contrary to human nature.  But if Patrick Landry can dream, then by golly, so can Lucy the Dog.

*Those looking for cultural fulfillment should visit Western Avenue’s Open Studios tomorrow, Saturday, April 5, from noon to 5 p.m.  In addition to seeing work from the building’s 100+ artists, you can check out the brand-new Loading Dock Gallery

And if any ‘This Side of the Truth’ staffers are reading this, please visit my wife’s studio.  I’ll be there with a headshot and a resume and in eighth grade I played young Ebenezer Scrooge in “A Christmas Carol” with the Chatham Community Players, and OMG I totally love “The Office” and “Extras” and I even linked to that hilarious scene with David Bowie a couple months ago on my blog, see?

**It is.

RELATED: Sun Gets the Scope on Gervais Flick

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7 Comments »

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  1. What’s a latee?

  2. it’s one indication of how many of them i’ve drank during my lifetime.

  3. A latee is a French term for milk from a manatee.

    Also, I would literally give my left testicle to go back in time to watch Lucy as Scrooge McDuck in 8th grade. Your parents didn’t tape it, did they?

  4. no, there’s no physical evidence of that performance. however, there might just be a vhs copy of me and my sisters singing the national anthem before a 1992 new jersey nets game. maybe.

  5. I want a pewter pin. Jonah Hill will probably get arrested for buying weed from a transvestite hooker.

  6. Tina Fey is gross. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you people. It’s not like she’s hot, or funny, or cool. White people man.

  7. While I agree with the point your trying to make I find it hard to resist the excitement this movie is bringing to Lowell. I disagree in that tourists won’t come. People make pilgramages to movie sites all the time. It depends if the movie is a success or not. Our fair city gets its due bad press and outsiders still have a negative view of Lowell. If this helps change peoples minds about Lowell then I’m all for it. I’m just ashamed that I’m starstruck.


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