Rate My Rate My Professor Ratings

March 26, 2008 at 7:59 pm | Posted in Lowell | 46 Comments
Tags: , , ,

bestteacher.jpgThis is the time of year when Lucy the Dog must decide whether to dip her paws back into the world of academia.

For two years, I’ve spent September through December teaching Intro to College Writing to incoming freshmen who are none too interested in my thoughts on E.B. White’s “Once More to the Lake” or the differences between there, their, and they’re.  

The semester is a 15-week beatdown of failure and humiliation.  Occasionally I say something that gets through.  Occasionally I witness improvement.  But for the most part, they are not very good writing students and I am not a very good writing teacher.  I am also a wicked jackass.

Andy is impossible to please and he can be a wicked jackass.  He writes really mean comments on students papers.  I do not recommend him. Find someone else!!!

That is the first of 14 comments in my RateMyProfessor.com profile.  My overall quality ranking is a whopping 1.9 out of 5.  My Average Easiness is a 2.2; Average Helpfulness is a 1.9; and Average Clarity is a 1.9.  (All of those are out of 5.)

Most disheartening is the fact that not one of my 14 commenters has given me the chili pepper icon to indicate I’m hot.  I’ve seen some of the teachers with the chili pepper, and they’re not all that hot.  Does my hotness not even reach such a low threshold?  According to my Hotness Total of zero, the answer is no.

He does not know how to teach nor does he like he job.  He grades really hard and expects way too much.  Four major papers that he does give you a chance to revise, but most people receive the same grade on the revision and if they are lucky, then they will receive 2 more points.  Nothing is ever good enough for this man.  He gives a written final.

The most influential teachers in my life were all tough graders who never mixed words, which is probably why I adopted this approach my first semester.  It’s painfully obvious when students half-ass a paper, and I never hesitate to call them out on it.  They don’t like that though.  They don’t like when you “expect way too much.”

I expect them to at least pretend like they give a shit.  And I expect them to hand in a paper rather than e-mail it to me.  This strikes them as insane.  As much as I repeat it through the semester, students invariably ask me during each round of papers if they can just e-mail me.  Usually  it’s because their printers don’t work.  Their printers never work.

I also expect them to staple their papers.  On their final paper my first semester, I warned, “This time around, I will fail any paper that’s turned in unstapled.”  I repeated it several times.  And yet one student who was in attendance for those statements turned in a stack of unstapled pages.  I did not fail her, but I made her take the paper back and get it stapled.  I also told her it was ridiculous that she didn’t follow such a basic, clearly-stated instruction.

In her course evaluation, she complained that I’d threatened to fail her just because she didn’t staple a paper. 

I hope she gets a non-life threatening venereal disease.

impossible… i would be surprised if you get above a 75 on any of the 4 essays. he discusses your grade with other students in your absence…complains about his other class to us, im sure he complains about us to them. kills any self esteem you may have had in your writing, not helpful at all. do anything to avoid this class!!

I don’t know what this person is talking about in regards to discussing grades with other students.  I’m pretty sure I never did that.  But I do talk about the other classes to each other in a general sense.  And while I’ll concede that maybe I shouldn’t, I don’t feel that bad about it.  I never say anything about another class that I haven’t already said to their faces.

The greater point here is that I kill their fragile self-esteem.  These kids have never been told they’re anything less than wonderful.  They were all the best writers in their high school class.  They are all brilliant.  Yet most of them wouldn’t know a comma if it spliced them between the eyes.  I have no idea what’s going on in high school English classrooms, but the system is broken if you can get a diploma without the most basic of basic skills.

Not a bad 8 am class, not a lot of thinking involved.  The classes seem pointless, and the 4 papers are graded hard.  He can be mean if you ask questions, but if you stick it out, its not too much work n the final really boosts your grade.

Teaching two 8 AM sections my first semester probably didn’t help matters.  These kids love to sleep, but not when they should be sleeping.  During those hours, they are binge drinking or playing Guitar Hero.

That may be unfair, as many of them are also paying their way through school and working parttime jobs.  But regardless, the majority of them are sleep-deprived and in no condition to learn at 8 AM.

Probably the worst person ever im not even gonna call him a teacher or professor cause he doesnt deserve it.  He thinks he is the greatest and his writing is above all others yet he is working part time at UMass Lowell.  I would love to see his “amazing” articles he rights for the Eagle Tribune?  Is that even a big paper.  I didnt think so.  HE SUCKS

Obviously this student never read the amazing articles that I roght in the Pulitzer Prize winning Eagle-Tribune about Franklin Elementary School’s jumprope club or the snowbank that melted into the shape of an angel in Methuen.  Or how about my expose on the ladies at the North Andover Senior Center who sew little dolls to be distributed in hospitals?

My writing is above all others, bitch.  YOU SUCK. 

He had to be abused as a child.  Guy has issues.  When your wife doesnt take your last name you know your a homo.  Worst class possible its college writing its not supposed to be impossible.  Was gym class hard in high school, no but it was a requirement there supposed to be easy.  Don’t try at all.  I spent three days revising and got the same grade.

This comment doesn’t appear on my profile, as it was apparently deleted by the administrator due to its personal nature.  However, I had emailed it to a friend before the admin caught it so I still have a copy.

It’s pretty reflective of the sense of entitlement felt by some of these kids.  They deserve an A simply because (a) they’re God’s special creatures and (b) writing is no more important than gym class.  Frankly, you could argue that physical fitness and the ability to communicate an idea or thought in writing is more useful in life than algebra or chemistry.  But not everyone sees it that way.  Because there retards. 

Also, Ashlee did take my last name but also kept her own.  And when that happens, you know your bi. 

He’s not a good writing teacher at all!!  He’s not even a real teacher, he grades essay’s by putting them in a pile from best to worst (he said this to my class)  Very hard grader, the highest grade i got was a 78, he’s not helpfull when he tries to help he makes things worst.  He came to class dress like he just got out of bed, every class!!

Granted, I’m not the best dresser.

But I’m always amazed by how hard these students think they’re trying.  Sometimes they’ll ask me questions about their papers, but generally when you strip away the bullshit, their questions all amount to:  “How can I get an A on my paper without doing any actual work?”

I’ve had about 100 students, and despite their complaints about grades, maybe five or six have actually come to my office hours to discuss how to improve their writing.  I’ve probably put more time and effort into this blog post than some of them put into their papers.

Take Milton.  he sucks ass.  i was the best writer in honors highschool classes and i got A’s on my papers graded by teachers that have PHDS and were teaching b4 he was alive.  but when i went to his class i got the highest grade of a 79.  he thinks the best thing in the world.  he takes out any of ur self-confidence.  and is cocky, disgusting, ignorant ass

This was the last comment from that first semester.  I think it does a nice job of summarizing the whole experience. 

Good guy, has helped me quite a bit this year enjoy reading and writing more.  Not sure what happened with everyone else but he sad he was harder last year so that must be it.

This is the first comment from my second year when I lightened up a bit. 

I didn’t feel good about falling into that trap of diminished expectations.  But I nearly lost my mind the first year, and the students in my second year were actually sharper, more interested, and more likable on the whole than the previous group.  Their grades would’ve been better than the first group’s anyway, but they definitely benefited from my inability to fight as hard as I’d fought the first year.

Yet strangely, a new narrative developed…

He is a funny, sarcastic jackass to put it simply.  And yes, he is extremely cocky, but maybe all you guys suck at writing because I have yet to get below an 85 on papers in his class..  Take him if you want a good laugh, and to put forth a little effort in your papers.  You guys are pussies for saying he takes your self esteem.  Get over it.

Funny, sarcastic jackass to put it simply.  Yes, he is extremely cocky, but maybe all you guys suck at writing because I have yet to get below an 85 on papers in his class.  Take him if you want a good laugh, and to put forth a little effort in your papers.  You guys are pussies for saying he takes your self esteem.  Get over it.  Definite pothead tho!!

This was clearly written by the same person on the same day.  It would seem that (s)he clicked Submit before remembering that (s)he meant to include this slanderous and false accusation about my head being filled with pot.  I am offended by the mere suggestion.

But setting that aside, what really struck me in this new crop of comments was the notion of how “cocky” I am.  It totally sent me into some in-depth self-analysis.  Am I cocky?  And if so, how is it manifested?  If not, why does it seem to others that I am?

I spent an entire childhood and much of my adult years emotionally crippled by insecurities.  I didn’t even get laid until I was 19, though other factors may have been at play there.  I’ve never felt good enough, smart enough, athletic enough, funny enough, or handome enough.  I’ve always thought I was a loser.  Or so I thought I’d thought I was a loser.

In truth, maybe I’ve always felt superior to everyone else in those categories.  Perhaps my agony has stemmed from the failure of others to recognize what I see in myself. 

Maybe I was and am cocky.  Maybe I’m perplexed that I’m not constantly fighting off the advances of beautiful women.  Maybe I’m bewildered that I don’t have a chili pepper.  Maybe I resent that prominent editors don’t recognize what I perceive as top-notch prose. 

Am I cocky?  Can all these students be wrong?  Maybe they’re even right about me being a pothead.  No way! 

Cocky ****, but a good teacher none the less.  if you put forth the effort, you get a good grade.  he’ll answer all your questions and help you if you need it.  if you have perfect attendance, you’ll get rewarded so show up every class on time


he was an ok teacher though the material he made up read was kinda of boring..hard grader when it comes to writing papers and we wrote about things that were not very interesting..not a bad teacher to take…..do all you work and participate and get away with a B…average professor

Average.  Exactly.  That’s how I’ve always thought of myself.  In fact, I wrote my entire application essay to Boston University about how overwhelmingly average I am.  How can such an average guy be cocky?  As you can see, these fuckers really got in my head with this whole cocky thing.  I’ve been thinking about it for months now.

But none of them got into my head like this one…

the guy is a teacher only to inflate his ego.  which is why he checks this website to see what people think of him.

Ouch!  That’s probably the best piece of writing any of my students has ever produced.  Succinct.  Effective.  Cuts like a knife.  Makes ya think.

In my second year, a few students asked if I’d read my Rate My Professor comments.  I saw no reason to lie, so I answered yes.  When they asked how the comments made me feel, I answered honestly again, saying they didn’t bother me much because for the most part I was confident that I’m a fair grader with an accurate sense of who is really “trying.”  This was before the cocky busineses, and the first semester comments struck me as sour grapes by a select few.

But this last comment was the first to rattle me.  I’m not sure why.  I felt like the student was inside my computer looking at me, saying, “Gotcha!”  Am I really a teacher only to inflate my already inflated ego?  There would seem to be better ways to inflate my ego than to come back to the classroom day after day to stumble and stutter and fail.  And if I’m so cocky, why would I care what people think of me?

Why did I teach?  Was it all about my ego?  Could that be true?  Is that why I’m considering asking if they’ll let me return to fail again?

I know that first and foremost, I teach for the money so that I can eat.  Most things I do are inspired by a need to eat.

But I also teach because I’d like to be good at it.  I don’t need to be Robin Williams, being carried around on my students’ shoulders.  But I’d like to at least feel like I inspired a student to think, if only for a few minutes. 

In my cocky moments, I feel like I have done that.  On the whole, they’re good kids caught in a tough adjustment period.  I’ve seen some of them rise to the challenge and write thoughtful, stapled papers.  And sometimes they even proofread. 

Some class sessions leave me feeling totally satisfied.  The discussion is moving, ideas are being exchanged, and they actually did the reading and enjoyed the reading and we’re all ‘getting it’.  But that doesn’t happen nearly as often as I’d like.

I don’t have a good conclusion to wrap this whole thing up.  In fact, I’m not even sure what my point is.  So in honor of College Writing I students everywhere, I will just say fuck it and repeat my introduction word for word.

This is the time of year when Lucy the Dog must decide whether to dip her paws back into the world of academia.

The End



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  1. If you care anything about LtB or those of us you pay to read it, you will continue to drag your sorry, self-loathing ass to class for another semester. Hard to imagine where else you might get material for excellent posts like this one, which makes me simultaneously feel correct about the end of civilization being right around the corner and OK about not doing anything about it.

  2. My parents were both teachers their whole lives, so I feel I have an insight to offer you:

    It may be years before you feel like you’ve made an actual, tangible difference. You’ll have wave after wave of young people shuffling through your class half-awake. You’ll wonder what the hell you’re in this for. Then one day, a student will tell you that you taught her something that got her into an Ivy League law school. Then you’ll wish you went to an Ivy League law school. Lawyers are rich as shit.

  3. […] Here’s your chance. […]

  4. Awesome. Just an awesome post. My favrite is this part of one of the comments:

    “He does not know how to teach nor does he like he job.”

    is this true, Lucy? You no like you job?

  5. Wow awesome stuff.

  6. “Because there retards.”

    should be “they’re”

    brilliant post none the less.

    • I do believe that was to parallel the student’s inability to put the correct ‘there.’

  7. That’s why he’s such a cocky, crappy English teacher, brooklyn. No grammar skilz.

  8. none the less should be nonetheless

  9. goddammit, dude, i know it should be “they’re”! my entire useless existence is based upon knowing it should be “they’re”! and knowing when its should be it’s and every day should be everyday!

    in the comment i was alluding to there, the student wrote of college writing classes, “there supposed to be easy.” i was referring to that. ayos mios. you would not fare well in lucy the dog’s college writing house of pain.

  10. where is my adorable face? i hate when the comment doesn’t display my adorable face!

  11. You probably cant see your adorable face because its buried between your hind legs licking your adorable balls. Dogs do that. There gross.

    And if your going to allow the kind of riffraff who post without the slightest attempt at properly punctuated sentences (et tu, Pax Arcana?), you’ve gotta expect they might not catch the irony when you do it.

    I, for one, was so down with it I didn’t even mention the accidental flubs like not being “handome” enough, the kind of error you generally want to avoid when the screed includes a snipe about proof reading. Of course now Ive mentioned it, so fuck me. But I opened with Lucys adorable balls, so its unlikely anybody will notice.

  12. cant should be can’t


  13. ?whatsacontraction

  14. i wasn’t quick enough to see the irony. my apologies.

    i’m taking it back. i’m taking them all back.

  15. Nice Goonies reference Brooklyn.

    Also, I applaud your post Lucy. However, I would try a more aggressive approach, like maybe finding the little fuckwads who wrote those comments and then throwing a flaming bag of shit on their doorstep. Or, perhaps you could mock them because they were too stupid to get into a real college and had to settle for a second run state school.

  16. i went to a first-run state school (penn state) and then got my graduate degree from the esteemed boston university, as you well know. it has been my experience that it’s all bullshit. it got me nowhere, or at least just as far as most of those uml grads will get by the age of 32.

    someday i will send my child to a fourth-rate school and he or she will complain about it but eventually thank me for saving them some dough. paying a lot for college is almost as big a scam as paying a lot for a wedding.

  17. Is it wrong that I found this post hilarious? All I know is that if I were to teach a college intro English class, I would very likely have to pray for the end of humankind and then throw myself in front of a bus. Double negatives and misplaced commas make me twitch. A lot. It’s bad enough that I have to live with a basketball coach. And I’m relieved to now know that Chris is bi too.

  18. Your post was witty and insightfull but mentioned nothing of pert, nubile young college girls. I thought all professorship was was a chance to look at hot chicks. I saw Raiders of The Lost Arc. He was swimming in chicks.

    Also, you’re kind of a cocky doof. And, do your students know you totally quit being a pothead?

  19. Found your blog from Pax Arcana, which has somehow (I’m not sure) has become one of my favorite blogs. You should read the book “Coach” by Michael Lewis. It’s a quick read and it talks about an old-school baseball/basketball coach that has become an anachronism in modern society because he “expects too much” from his players. He expects them to care and somehow this is excessive. Kids are lazy, parents get involved, kids have an unearned sense of entitlement and self-esteem… etc etc.

    I’m reminded of this book when reading about your plight. It might give you some insight… or just help you to NOT feel like you’re taking crazy pills.

  20. i know nothing of these nubile pert college girls of which you speak. though one time, a female student closed her eyes for a moment and i noticed she’d written, “you’re old and dull” on her eyelids. i was never a pothead either. that’s a common misunderstanding. i’m just very in tune with the universe and i enjoy good music.

  21. I love this. I may have to do the same with mine. I have some 42 responses from seven years of being an adjunct. They range from hostile hate manifestos from people who dropped a class after one session, to “best professor at this school bar none” love letters. I comfort myself after reading the hateful disgruntled ones by saying at least they’re not indifferent.

  22. I sniffed entitlement the moment you unhesitantly reached for a fourth sausage sandwich while lunching at my home this past weekend.

    English Students 1
    Entitled Prick 0

  23. Thanks. Fun stuff. Stick to your guns.

  24. So they take down posts with personal stabs? That explains why one of my favorites has disappeared: something along the lines of “…if you can forget how much you hate her and just write down what she says, you’ll do ok.”

  25. I don’t read that carp on RMP; too mind numbing. I prefer RYS.

    But thanks for the insights.

    It’s been real.

    Ms Snark

  26. Was “tough graders who never mixed words” intentional as well? Perhaps my little editor brain wasn’t able to sniff out all the ironies.

  27. The kids in a writing class at UMass Lowell were all the best writers in their high school class?

    Um, really?

  28. Maybe it’s time you took another look at the problem.
    People who whine about teaching shouldn’t teach.
    Maybe you’re just not cut out to be a teacher.

    As someone who has taught, I’m familiar with the students “who never listen”, the ones who “just want a good mark”, etc etc etc…
    But you know what?
    They’re just like most people.
    They want maximum recognition for minimum effort.

    So what?
    Grow up.
    You’re there to cultivate the ones who *don’t* want to take the easy way around. Your job is to find the diamonds in the rough and polish them.

    If you can’t handle teaching and want to whine and snivel about how awful it is, maybe it’s because you’re just looking for the maximum recognition with the least amount of effort, just like all those “gliding through” students you so detest.

    Go be a plumber for a while; then when you’ve learned something, maybe you’ll be able to teach.

  29. Those of you who actually thought you were being clever by correcting his mistakes entirely missed his subtle yet poignant sarcasm – and only reinforced his abasement of self-unaware idiots.

  30. I found this piece very refreshing. Not only did you break to mold of boring monotone teachers without personality, but you actually made me laugh and see you as a person. Please email me back if you wish. My grandma is a teacher as well.

  31. The website is totally worthless and filled with BS. Teachers should not be subjected to people venting and saying things that could prevent them from getting a job or a promotion. Students should be held accountable for every single word they write. It should require the students full legal name just the same as the teachers is displayed. Let the whole world know who writes this crap and I bet the tone and content will be legitimized. Anonymous posts makes it suspect to students and teachers that continually spam that site. I have watched students and teachers do it. The site is worthless and is just another place for people to use the Internet for something that has no intrinsic value. Popularity contest at best. The ratings are all over the map and are not reliable or useful. I would never use or recommend it, it has the credibility of a gossip rag.

  32. Deep Dish…how I miss our conversations. Don’t ever lose your “cocky” sense of humor. I’d give you a chili pepper in a New York minute.

  33. My father is a professor so I have some insight as to what you may be going through. Cheer up. Don’t obsess too much over this. Umass Lowell (am I correct?) is not a good school in the first place (Umass Amherst is at least better). Heck, I had some great professors and some of the comments at ratemyprofessor.com were just stupid. A class is only hard and unpleasant if the students are not willing to put their weight into it.

  34. Thanks for your blog and the laughs. Your witty and fuk the li’l basterdz humor gave me the courage to finally read my own sudents’ comments on RMP after 5 years of teaching psychology and statistics (the latter being a required course that most students would rather get that non-deadly STD you mentioned than have to take). Your humor is biting and on-target. You should write for Tosh.O or somesuch instead of wasting your time with these shitheads. Why do students feel so entitled these days? I know that makes me sound like a cranky old woman, but hell, it’s so true. I want to yell at them to get off my damn lawn! When I was an undergrad it never would have entered my mind to submit a paper unstapled or argue with my prof over a grade. When students hand in unstapled term papers to me, I somehow seem to “lose” some of their pages, resulting in an “F” for turning in an incomplete assignment. A passive-aggressive guilty pleasure in a job that allows so few avenues to even the score…Keep on with the blog, Lucy the Dog!

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  36. Can we post the names of all of our students on a site and rate their sorry asses? Just a thought 🙂

  37. “Rate My Rate My Professor Ratings Lucy the Blog” was a quite excellent
    blog, . I hope you keep composing and I’ll continue reading through! Thanks a lot ,Luis

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  39. Does your site have a contact page? I’m having problems locating it but, I’d like to send you an email.
    I’ve got some creative ideas for your blog you might be interested in hearing. Either way, great website and I look forward to seeing it grow over time.

  40. I enjoy reading an article that can make people think. Also, thanks for allowing me to comment!

  41. Hi Andy,

    I just wanted to say thank you so much for posting your experiences with “Rate My Professor” on your blog.
    I am a doctoral student and taught two classes for the first time this semester.
    I got slammed in RateMyProfessor and it hit me so hard.
    I was so low about it that I was basically just googling my woes 🙂
    I came across your article.
    Anyway, did you get through it?
    I have to teach in order to be funded and I’m lined up for another semester….actually another 3 semesters.
    You summed it up perfectly when you said: “The semester is a 15-week beatdown of failure and humiliation.”

    Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you and I hope all is well in your life.

  42. I enjoyed your post, and as an older student, I feel I have a better understanding of where you are coming from. I feel some of the younger students have no idea of what the real world is about, and expect the food to be simply handed to them. You want awesome grades? You have to work your ass off for them. I get 60’s, 70’s, and few 80’s, and the rare 90, depending on the type of course and content, so I REALLY have to get my old brain fired up for the material. It can be boring but so are some things in life. Appreciate the boring stuff to see that the great stuff is really GREAT! Today was the first day back at school, and I went to see my program coordinator, who belittled my nursing practice mark to get back at me for not having my student number and course selection handy, yet it took her less than 20 seconds to get it in a small pile of papers containing my info. Nice pot shot lady, that was low but I let it roll off my back because I knew what you wanted, which was a reaction out of me. No reaction given, I won! lol, but seriously, I LIKE my professors even though they may not have a care in the world about me and it helps that we are in smaller classes of not more than 35 students. It’s easy to miss something the teacher says, so students need to listen up. If a teacher asks to have something stapled before handing it in, staple the damn thing! How hard is that? I recognize the reason my teacher was pissy with me when I went in to see her about my registration, then she proceeded to take a shot at my grades. The reason was because I was not prepared to give her my information. It only should have taken me two seconds to grab my student card and course list before leaving home, but I assumed….little stuff like that is annoying for teachers.

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  45. As an older student, this made me laugh while at the same time feel embarrassed because most of my fellow classmates were half my age and seemed so childish in many ways. Many live at home still with their parents and wouldn’t fathom the idea of bills, rent, adult responsibilities. Many exhibited the same attitudes your nasty students had. I feel, from reading your post that you would end up being one of my favorite teachers as your dry humor mirrors mine and many do not know how to take dry humor. I had what I thought was the most horrible teacher in my final year and she turned out to be the most helpful and insightful teacher out of all the teacher I had in six years of uni! It was all in my approach, and the more I approached her with questions regarding our assignments, the more she helped, while others seemed to be drowning in their work and did everything to avoid this “horrible bitch” as everyone liked calling her behind her back.
    Keep up the great hard-ass teaching and you will reach out to someone that will remember and appreciate the tough love teaching attitude like I have.

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