I’m Back. Now Rub My Belly.

October 24, 2007 at 5:41 am | Posted in Evil Tribune, Yankees | 3 Comments


Ladies and gentlemen,

We ask that you please direct your attention to Daddy Steinbrenner’s box for an important announcement…

It is true, patient readers. Your long national nightmare is over. Lucy the Dog is back.

It’s been quite some time, and much has transpired in my absence. But the biggest development is this: I became retarded. It’s true!

I didn’t even see it happening. But on Sunday, I sat down to write a simple feature article for a magazine. Much to my surprise, this took me the better part of three full days–far longer than I’d anticipated. I could hardly link subject to predicate. And in the end, I generated 2,200 words of useless garbage that could have been produced by any mere simpleton, even an executive sports editor at a mid-size daily paper in the upper Merrimack Valley.

Ironically, one reason I lost interest in this blog was I thought it was making me retarded. I could no longer see the point in writing about Sanjaya, Lowell politics, or masturbation. But sweet sassy Freddy Blassie, was I wrong. Dead wrong. Just the opposite was happening!

The only good part about writing for a newspaper was being forced to write every day. That and getting mad pussy. And I now realize that without disciplined writing on a regular basis, this brilliant mind can quickly turn to crud. So I will endeavor to exercise it more frequently here in this web space. You, reader, will be the beneficiary of these efforts.

Now I know what you’re thinking: my generosity knows no bounds. But bounds there shall be. I ask that you bear with me in the early-goings. Be gentle. For if I go too hard initially, I am destined to risk further, possibly permanent, brain damage. Or worse, a pulled groin. And that would be disastrous.

So this was fun. I’m feeling good. And maybe I’ll post again in December. Thanks for stopping by!



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  1. We love Lucy! Welcome back, Dog. We missed you terribly.

    Hey, you’re just in time for the Sox to take the broom to Colorado’s nine. And let the Mattingly Era begin!

  2. Er, let the Joe Girardi era begin!

  3. you bitch

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