Sun Pulls a Trib and Outs Biz Reporter as Athletic Demon! Sadly, Hilarity Does Not Ensue.

August 19, 2007 at 11:05 am | Posted in Evil Tribune, Lowell, Lowell Sun | 11 Comments

doh.jpgI’ve really only worked at one newspaper, so I can’t say for sure if this goes on everywhere. 

But at the The Eagle-Tribune, and apparently the Lowell Sun, we used to create a ‘mock’ front page as a parting gift whenever people left the paper.  Which seemed to be every other week or so.

These spoof fronts gave coworkers of the outgoing employee a chance to write something clever and fun, filled with inside jokes and wit and hilarity and oh my God, those were the good old days. 

But like most good old days, they came to an end when one of our faux stories somehow got posted on the Tribune website.  The story was not well-received by local pols, several of whom were portrayed in a less than flattering fashion.  (Politicians can get so touchy when you mock their former DUIs on the Internet.) 

At the time, there was much speculation that the unionistas had posted the story to embarass the Trib.  But I don’t think any of us had the technical savvy to do such a thing.  And we were generally quite busy leaving nails in our editors’ driveways and bashing our elbows through windshields.  We loved bashing windshields!

Anyway, the union agitators must now be infiltrating the Lowell Sun. I didn’t get my Sun delivered today, so I just checked out lowellsun.com. 

It appears that the going-away stories for business reporter Tom Spoth were all posted online, or at least the stories: “‘Ruthless, Dirty…and He Bites’, Placid journalist by day, Tom Spoth emerges as athletic demon at night”He can write, but he’s no actor” and its sidebar, OK, maybe he can act”

Sadly, there’s nothing all-too incriminating here.  And these links will be dead by the time your eyes read this.

But “Ruthless…”, written by “Sun Staph” (with a ph!) tells us that Spoth is the “fiercest, most dangerous” member of an ultimate frisbee club called the Killer Bees.  At the end of the story, Spoth declines comment, telling a reporter to !@#$ OFF!

In “He can write..”, written by “Alexandra Mayer-Whatever and Chris Comehere, Sun Stiffs” (tee-hee), there’s some stuff about how Spoth will be going to grad school after lying about his future during staff meetings about parking permits or something.

And then in “OK, maybe he can act…”, we learn of recent turmoil within the Sun newsroom.

“LOWELL, Mass — A melee broke out in the offices of The Sun newspaper today as rumors circulated that a coveted parking pass would soon be available. Business reporter Tom Spoth, who is reportedly leaving the paper to attend graduate school in Italy (yeah, right,) was seen running down Dutton Street, trying to free from an angry mob in hot pursuit. ‘I don’t even have a parking pass,’ Spoth was heard shouting. ‘Only an idiot would pay to come to work.'”

Is anyone still reading this post?  If so, let me conclude with two things that strike me about the Sun’s misstep.

First, it’s interesting that this stuff is still up there.  It’s been about five hours since I first saw it.  So apparently not even the Lowell Sun is reading the Lowell Sun’s website.  And looking at it, who can blame them?

Secondly, with all due respect to the Sun’s editorial staff, these spoof stories need work.  Aggressive ultimate frisbee playing?  Please.  We had some real high-brow and libelous shit over at the Tribune.  None of this amateur hour crap.  We even had pix of our sexiest reporters licking inflated condoms.  Ah yes, it was high-brow.  And it was hot.

Those days are gone though.  For that, I weep. 

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11 Comments »

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  1. This is awesome, especially since I sort of know Tom Spoth, on account of he plays in my baseball league. We’ve had a couple chats about the Sun and the Trib, though they were brief on account of I was trotting around the bases all the time.

    That said, our front pages were way better than this one. That’s really what our talent was as a group.

  2. I would say our greatest talent was fake front page stories and pouring coffee on human resource directors’ vehicles.

    And then, as a close third and fourth, writing stories about old ladies sewing dolls and updating municipalities’ snow removal budgets.

    And then breakout boxes. Our breakout boxes were second to no other.

  3. You forgot our extensive coverage of crazy hair day. We (you) covered the shit out that crazy hair.

  4. Angels. Angels and more angels.

  5. Quick, this dookie my kid just did looks like an angel. Send Gillis over here with a digital camera and suspended disbelief!

  6. I like turtles.

  7. Maybe the reporters at the Sun are too busy doing real work, writing real stories to lick condoms.

  8. Dear Papergirl–

    If this is the case, perhaps there should be a reordering of priorities over there at the Sun. And as a devoted reader, I have difficulty believing that Lowellita has not spent her fair share of time licking condoms. In fact, I’m quite certain you could fill Sunday’s riveting “The Column” with the various sordied items that Lowellita has licked in her day.

    While it may be unfair to judge The Sun’s faux front page writing ability by this one Tom Spoth example, I stand by the Tribune’s supremacy in this particular craft.

    But I do not doubt for a moment how hard The Sun’s reporters work. It is a trying, brutal, underappreciated job, and anyone who can bear it for any extended period of time is a better man and/or woman than I.

    And I know ‘Papergirl’ is you, Campanini, you fraud!

  9. […] once at our former employer. That event, and a second occasion at the Lowell Sun, are chronicled in this post at Lucy the Blog. We’re sure it’s happened in a lot of […]

  10. very interesting. i’m adding in RSS Reader

  11. This is quite a hot info. I’ll share it on Facebook.


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