Cardboard Elvis, King and Peacemaker

August 17, 2007 at 9:52 pm | Posted in Idol, Lowell, Lowell Sun, Muzak | Leave a comment

elvis.jpgDespite his slanderous and inaccurate lynching of Sanjaya months ago, Lucy the Dog must commend Lowell Sun scribe Andrew Ravens for yesterday’s front page story on Elvis.  Or at least the first four paragraphs, which is the most compelling four paragraphs you will read today.

“Elvis settles most arguments and disturbances at The Community Family, a day-care center for dementia patients on Broadway Street.

Whenever the peace breaks, Program Director Maria Maskaluk sets her close-to-life-size Elvis Presley cardboard standup in the middle of the room and says, ‘Look who’s here.’

Suddenly, the squabbling ends and the giant image of Elvis, wearing a bright gold suit, is placed back behind Maskaluk’s office door.

‘For some reason,’ Maskaluk said, ‘it just calms everyone down.'”

As a former recipient of my Boston University JO722 course’s “Lead of the Week” award, I feel suitably qualified to deem this as the most devastatingly awesome lead anecdote that’s ever been written. 

While previously, Lucy the Blog had called for Ravens’s firing, we now must reverse course and demand that he be promoted immediately and named replacement to not very good editor Jim Campanini.  (Hey, what ever happened to that lively Community Forum anyway, Thomas Paine?)  

I’ve never really been into Elvis, but you’ve got to hand it to the guy.  He moistened panties for decades, sold more than a billion albums, inspired an army of losers to channel his spirit, and now his cardboard likeness is used to sedate the masses at neighborhood dementia facilities.  It’s quite a legacy.

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