Wow How Now Wow How Now Brown Cow

August 14, 2007 at 1:34 am | Posted in Sports, TV, Video | Leave a comment

tiger.jpgI’d planned to get this ol’ clunker up and running again by writing about ESPN’s sorry “Who’s Now” campaign, which apparently ended a couple weeks ago.  I don’t even have ESPN, but the few installments I caught left me altogether befuddled by what “Now” means, and why any of it matters.  (As it turns out, Tiger Woods is the most Now of all, or at least he was then.)

It would’ve been quite the diatribe.  But then after searching Google, I learned that “Who’s Now” has already been beaten mightily by scribes much mightier than I. 

Weeks ago, Awful Announcing demanded, “Name me one person who cares about this.”  Deadspin said it was “soul-crushingly lame.”  And Newsweek compared the viewing experience to “eating Styrofoam.”

That’s some timely and clever writing!  I couldn’t even think of a clever way to articulate the severe beating “Who’s Now” has taken in paragraph two.  And I pretty much lifted the third paragraph from this guy.  Yay!

Anyhow, I won’t pile on Now now.  But if you ask Lucy the Dog, ESPN missed the boat badly.  Tiger is not Now.  He is not even Wednesday, last President’s Day, or Melky Cabrera.  And he certainly is not Cody Paul.

There is no one Nower today than Cody Paul.  He reminds me a lot of myself as a child, only entirely different. When I was young Cody’s age, my athletic prowess would hardly have been described as Now.  Unless Now meant wetting your pants while standing on second base.  In which case, I was totally Now.  The Nowest.

But Cody Paul does not appear to have problems holding it in.  And based on this video, I don’t expect he’ll have too many problems of any sort for the rest of his life.

You are blessed, Cody Paul, and destined for a life of mad hot poontang.  So don’t blow it.  Make it rain on them hos.  Do it Now.

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