I-Man Report Cards

April 17, 2007 at 11:37 pm | Posted in America, Lowell, TV, Video | 6 Comments

rooney.jpgMany of you spent the weekend wondering if Lucy the Blog really meant what we said about the Don Imus fiasco last week.  Well, since writing that post, we’ve come around a little.  We’ve seen the light on a few points.  And on others, we can agree to disagree.

The particulars of this revised stance need not be addressed.  The issue’s been beaten to death, and it’s best to move on.  But before doing so, let’s take a look at the talking heads who helped us reach our refreshed, enlightened view.  Those who disagree with their final grade may visit my office hours or post an anonymous complaint at www.ratemyprofessors.com.  Believe me, you’ll have plenty of company there.


Media Matters – I never actually visited this site, but supposedly it’s tracked Imus for years and finally got the chance to bury him.  Several mainstream media types noted the site’s tenacity, which is how I learned about it.  But bloggers will continue to whine incessantly about not gettin’ no respect.  Get over it!  People respect you! 

Lynn Samuels, Sirius Radio – Subscribe for Stern, renew for Lynn Samuels.  She’s convinced Obama is a psychopath, she hates illegal immigrants, and she not-so politely ignores political correctness.  Yet Sirius Left still gives her their airwaves from 1 to 3 p.m.  We’re a better nation because of it.  Samuels is the screeching yenta in all of us, a true believer that everyone’s full of shit and we’re all doomed.  As always, she was right on point with l’affaire d’Imus.  (Unfortunately, her website sucks.  But here it is anyway.)

Gwen Eiffel, Meet the Press – Once the target of an Imus skit, Eiffel was perfect on Meet the Press Sunday.  Very graceful, nary a whiff of schadenfreude, and this line, in response to Russert raising the ‘but rappers do it’ argument:

“So we’re all hypocrites, Tim. Let’s see what we can do to get past it.”

Amen.  And do we diminish Gwen as a journalist by noting how pretty she looks in hot pink?  If so, we’ll even things out by also noting that David Brooks looks adorable when he wears my old concert T-shirts to bed.  But you couldn’t possibly know that, could you.  For the record, the rest of the Meet the Press roundtable gets a solid B.

Beat the Press – I have such nerd love for this show and, specifically, Ms. Rooney (pictured above).  Thoughtful, respectful debate and a stellar debut by former Globe columnist Eileen MacNamara, who got the wildcard seat.  Emily was the only one to put up any semblance of a fight for preserving Imus’s job, and she did it well.  All agreed that at the end of the day, the decision to fire him was motivated by money, as everything is.  Disclaimer:  This summary may be way off, because I was totally wasted when I watched it.  But you can see for yourself here: Beat the Press video feed


Left In Lowell – Not much original I-Man content here, and “Oh Thank God” seems a tad hyperbolic.  But the heart, if not the mind, of Left in Lowell is usually in the right place, and the dialog following this post seemed productive, probably because of the comments posted by Lucy the Dog, which were nothing short of brilliant.


Perk Is a Beast – The Beast Lair earns high marks simply for being among the first to call for Imus’s head.  They do not receive an A, however, due to multiple comments on Lucy the Blog in one day regarding “crapping in dudes’ mouths.”  Automatic deduction, one letter grade.

whitlock.jpgJason Whitlock, AOL Columnist – While I doubt it was his goal, Whitlock became a hero to every angry white male in America with his Real Talk column, “Time for Jackson, Sharpton to step down.”  I’m not on board with it hook, line, and sinker.  But Whitlock’s gist is GO AWAY JESSE AND AL, and if agreeing to that lumps me in with angry white males…oh my God, am I an angry white male?  Has it come to this?


Parents House, Chatham, NJ – This is a sentimental B minus.  While I sympathize with much of what my father had to say, it has no bearing on this grade.  The grade is simply given because of the genuine sadness I saw in the poor ol’ guy.  Here he busts his ass all these years for his family, traveling across the country, logging thousands of miles in cars and planes.  And in the morning, alone in his car, he just wants to hear some old man jokes from Imus.  Sure, he knows that some go over the line.  And he doesn’t like those.  In fact, some of them go right over his head.  But what’s the guy to do?  Listen to Opie and Anthony?  Imus is part of his routine.  Just like Stern is part of mine, even though I don’t love every second of every show.  For dad, losing the show was just a bummer, like having to find a new barber or therapist. 

Dan Kennedy, Media Nation Solid analysis and decent links, which should come as little surprise from another of our nerdy faves.  Dan Kennedy visited our Journalism Ethics class at BU and I cried like a schoolgirl.  He is the coolest.  Nonetheless, he offered nothing particularly outstanding on this issue.  B minus.  Lacked passion.  We expect a little more from a varsity letterman.

In-Laws House, Wilbraham, MA – I agree with almost nothing I overheard about the Imus matter following Easter dinner.  But I’ll give a passing grade to any opinion served with ham and white Russians.


iword.jpgDateline NBC, Imus: After the Fall – I actually enjoyed the only segment I saw on this show, but it had enough glossy Dateline packaging to induce nausea.  Even the name of the show is lame.  After the fallOooooh.  They did have a cool test to see if you’re a racist though.  You can take it at this Harvard site.  After clicking that you agree to proceed, scroll all the way down to the Race test at the bottom of the page.  For the record, Lucy the Dog has a moderate automatic preference for European Americans over African Americans.  We’ll try harder next time.


McLaughlin Group – D is for disappointment.  Our adoration for the Group is unparalleled.  But the predictability of their bland takes on Issue Number I-Man was quite dull.  Nothing new or unique.  And we don’t so much like when they yell over each other.  Without the humor and freakishly buggy eyes of Clarence Page, they would’ve gotten an F.

Howard Stern – Howard’s been dancing on Imus’s grave for over a week now, and it’s a total bore.  But then again, he’s been waiting a long time for this.  So far be it from us to deny him a little joy after all he’s given us.  Howard’s one of our best students, and we issue this D knowing that it’s a total anomaly. 


Ann Coulter – I just stumbled upon Coulter’s column on Imus, titled “Ho, Ho, Ho Merry Imus.”  Who would’ve guessed that she’d come off as a raving bitch?  I’m ashamed to confess that I actually took Coulter seriously at one time.  I liked her, even.  That was pre-9/11, I think.  But she is seriously deranged.  I’m sure you’ve never visited her website, but check out her photos page.  Can you imagine posting all those ‘candid’ glamour pix of yourself?  You know she’d cry if you called her fat.  Ann needs to be loved.  Wack-job.


Adam Reilly, Boston Phoenix – A fine man, a fine journalist, a fine Yankees fan, and a fine wearer of beards.  Mark Jurkowitz was all of those things.  He was not, however, a fine blogger.  When he took over Media Log for Dan Kennedy, the site came to a virtual screeching halt.  Adam Reilly is now in charge, but I stopped checking in during the Jurkowitz era and I keep forgetting to return.  I really should integrate it back into my diet.

Jon Stewart, The Daily Show – We’re sure it was hilarious, but we can’t tell you much about Jon’s take because Lucy the Dog can’t afford cable.  Maybe we should get a real job.  Or better yet, maybe you should buy some art. Do it!



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  1. When it comes to straight from the gut, we’re the fattest bunch of blowhards around.

  2. Out of my respect and commitment to the mainstream dinosaur media and disdain for the electronic hackiverse that considers itself a legitimate counterpart, I am weighing in a week late.

    First, while the fashionable thing to do is defend Imus by starting with “His show sucks, but…”, let’s get out of the way that I am an unapologetic fan. It was a unique environment in American broadcasting, and now it’s gone because everyone’s a pussy.

    The market takes care of itself — as it sort of eventually did here — and anyone in the entertainment business should say anything they want on the air that doesn’t cause actual harm. As long as their employer wants to keep signing checks, the rest of us can go somewhere else to kill drive time if we want to. Think of this incident when the FCC comes for your HBO — well, not Lucy’s, obviously, cuz she’s blowing her cable money … elsewhere — and declares Tony and company have to hold their f-bombs. The two issues ain’t unrelated.

    So let it be said that the far more shameful performance here was from the absurdly distressed group of college girls and their She-Sharpton coach (Holy Book Deal, Batman!). A group of kids who’ve probably hears worse things said on their own bus acting like terrorist victims is kind of nauseating. Whiny bitches (and here we mean “bitches” as a reference to emotional fragility and not the vulgar, derogatory term for females, but I’m aware you could argue the two can’t be disassociated. So fire me).

    I now wish I hadn’t bothered to write all this, as it seems innapropriately long for a box labeled “Leave a comment.” But I can’t imagine it ever being read anyway. Kind of like my old job.

  3. “Speaking of which, that Ann Coulter description was oddly on the mark with regards to a former middle-management boss of Lucy’s owner.”

    Could you narrow it down, please? There were so many that fit the bill.

    And no one owns me, bitch. No one.

  4. oops That totally didn’t work. Where’s my Ann Coulter comment you bastard?

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  6. […] much like we did with our I-Man Report Cards, here’s a grade for all ten candidates, along with their intro and an assessment of their […]

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