Do What You Feel Friday!: Get Baked

March 23, 2007 at 8:50 pm | Posted in DWYFF! | 3 Comments

lucy-records.jpgToday we begin a Gillis-inspired weekly feature at Lucy the Blog, called Do What You Feel Friday.  Gillis generally uses his DWYFF to drink tall boys and listen to hard-pumping rock and roll.  That’s not a bad option.  But every week, this post will provide you with ideas for ways to waste time while kicking back after a hard week of humping it for The Man.

Lucy the Dog just finished a brutal five days of laying at the bottom of the stairs and licking her cooch.  As this picture shows, she is spent!  And she wanted nothing more than to throw a couple vinyl records in the oven and breathe in the mind-bending fumes.

Melting a vinyl record in the oven is fun little art project that my mom taught me back in the day.  I forgot about it for years, and for whatever reason it popped into my head around Christmas.  Boy am I glad.  I knocked out like a dozen in an hour, and they make a great gift.  People think you’re all artsy and creative and shit.  What, they say?  You made this?  Then you shrug your shoulders.  EhIt was nothing.  And it was nothing!

(1) Start by finding a record that you’re never going to listen to again.  And face it, that’s pretty much all your records.  I have a bunch that I feel are too good to be baked.  But realistically, I’m not listening to these things anymore.  Between Sirius, Pandora, streaming WWOZ, and the iPod, I barely listen to my CD’s.

(2) Pre-heat your oven to about 225.  To see if you’ve reached 225, stick your head in the oven.  You’ll need to keep it in there for at least a minute to really gauge whether the oven’s ready, so resist the urge to pull your head out prematurely.

(3) Once the oven’s pre-heated, put an upside-down oven-safe bowl on the rack.  Something you might mix a brownie mix in.  About that size.  Place the record on top of the bowl (which, remember, should be the bottom of the bowl since it’s upside down.  Doesn’t that blow your mind?)

(4) Shut the oven door.

(5) Gather as many pregnant women as you can in the kitchen.  Make sure the windows are closed and, if possible, seal off the room completely.  This won’t serve any purpose immediately, but have the women breathe in heavily.  When their child is eventually delivered, it will likely come out with a birth defect.  You may have to remind the woman why the birth defect occurred, but once you do, you’ll all have a good laugh!

(6) After roughly 5 minutes, remove the record from the oven.  It will be soft to the touch, and a little hot.  But not too hot. A warmish, touchable hot.  And rubbery.

(7) Take the bowl out of the oven, also.  Flip it over on the stovetop.  Now push the record into the bowl to take the shape of the bowl.  You’ll want to mold the record with your fingers to get a shape that you like.  And you can push it into a different bowl if you want it to take on a different size.  Be creative!

(NOTE:  The drying process happens fairly quickly, so you have to hurry up once you take it out of the oven.  You’ll probably want to hold the record in place in the bowl for about a minute, and then it’ll harden into place.  If anything goes wrong, or if you’re just not happy with it, you can stick it back in the oven.)

record.jpg

Now what, you may ask, should you do with this bowl?  Well, you can use it as a planter.  You can hang it on the wall.  Spare change, keys.  Ashtray.  It’s not good for soup or cereal, thanks to that hole in the middle.  But you can seal the hole if you’d like.  I have plans to one day cut out Lionel Richie’s afrohead from the cover of this Commodores album, and use that to cover the hole. Imagine the possibilities.

Your final product is sure to dazzle your friends.  I melted a Best of Bread album, and brought it to my friend Davin’s Christmas party with some cookies in it.  Let me tell you, the bitches were all over me after that.  It was ridiculous; I got laid like six times.  Even Davin was trying to french kiss me but I was like, “No way Davin, you’re not my type.”  (Call me a bigot, but I hate Scandanavians.)

Anyway, I think you’ll find this to be a pretty relaxing way to express yourself and put the work week behind you.  But if you don’t feel like it, don’t do it.  It’s your Friday!  Do What You Feel!


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3 Comments »

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  1. You forgot to mention that these toxic vinyl treasures make great party favors! BIRTHDAY party favors.

  2. yer not kiddin’. and september 15th is right around the corner!

  3. My DWYFF activity of choice is a good game of “I Spy.”

    And I spy … a couple that needs to have kids!


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