Float Like a Butterfly, Smell Like a Nursing Home

March 13, 2007 at 11:10 pm | Posted in America, Video | 4 Comments


I am all for the extermination of senior citizens.  If a presidential candidate ran on a platform of eliminating handouts to old people and giving them their rightful spot in the back of the bus, I’d vote for that candidate without hesitation.

But at the same time, I am not a cruel person.  I envision a geriatric genocide that is both swift and humane.  Those old folks deserve that, at least.  They’ve been through a lot.

The beatdown administered in this video above may have been swift, but it was not humane.  And the guy didn’t even finish the job.  What good does that do?

Watching the video, I wondered what it felt like for 101-year-old Rose Morat, who can certainly take a punch.

I, on the other hand, have never taken a punch.  Likewise, I have never experienced any real physical pain.  The tightening of my braces was the worst I’ve had to endure.  And even that wasn’t bad.  I’ve never broken a bone.  I’ve never gotten stitches.  Never had surgery, never had a root canal.  Nothin’!

This lack of experience frightens me to no end.  What will happen when someone does punch me in the face?  When they whack my nose all the way over to my cheek?  Or just smash it in?  What if my head goes through a windshield someday?  What if I’m playing tennis and I turn my ankle and hear a pop?  I have no preparation for such an event.

Also, I would totally bang Meredith Vierra.  Can I get a witness?

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4 Comments »

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  1. A. How do I become a criminal expert?
    B. How do I get a babe like Rose?
    C. Why do old ladies always yell like that?

  2. […] a very happy birthday to John McLaughlin, one of the few senior citizens we’d spare in our imaginary geriatric Holocaust.  On a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 representing a dark, bleak day of loneliness and pain, and 10 […]

  3. […] Other ways it is in Orange County?  Dead rats in the mouths of old people.  Sign us up! […]

  4. Andy, I find your lack of experience in this regard (pain a la punch) most distressing. I’d be happen to expand your horizons in this most fulflilling of life’s experiences. When can we meet.
    Signed
    A near geriatric who will happily kick you ass


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